Jesus is all I need

A Letter to Ex-Primers

2011-10-25T22:06:00.001+07:00

Dear Friends,

Now that all of you are in university, I thought it good to write you. Given that our age gap is beginning to matter less and less as our ages increase, let me write as an older brother to my younger siblings. I have a younger brother 2 years my junior and I love him as any older brother would. He picks and listens to my advice, and I have learnt that he listens to those that I practice best. :) Its humbling and I thank God for that.

Let me then share with you what I noticed about many people in university and allow me, if you will to advice one more time. Many in university struggle with identity. They deal with issues like their family background, how rich/poor their families are vis a vis other people, their talents/abilities and also who would love them and who they can love in return. Essentially, many in university struggle with worth and will do many things to try and prove their value - either through achievements or through relationships. You may think this was particularly acute in ACS IB, well, in university it gets worse. University is structured such that you need to decide what your life is actually about and you would have no more mentor or older teacher to structure life for you anymore.

Two friends in university illustrate this. The first chose a life without Christ, the second did. The rest is history. The first chose to live recklessly and today continues to do so. He was upset that his family was not rich and strove to prove himself. he partied, networked and got into many relationships. In this, he lost himself and while today has a decent career, is no longer much of a man to speak of. He has lost the ability to feel, love faithfully and care for people. There is an air of selfishness, insensitive fun-mongering and ruthless ambition. And all I have for this man, is abject pity. The second is a friend who in JC was a pretty ambitious type. God found him i university and his life was quite changed. He served in church and stuck by his friends. To date, he has a wife, a stable job but more importantly,a character to love. In university, the world tells you to accrue achievements and networks. We who know Christ, should instead pursue Christ and in that to have a character to die for.

That is why my heart is concerned about many of you. I am worried that many of you would experiment with relationships or things that would leave scars on your life. I have heard people say that you need to try to know it is wrong, but that is the advice of foolish men. Once tried, scars cannot be erased and such a person must spend the rest of his life living with it. He may find forgiveness in Christ, but scars are left as painful reminders for a lifetime. Wise men learn from other people's mistakes and they refuse to go down roads that foolish men tread.

With my love and concern
Charles Ng

Choices we make

2011-10-06T22:37:00.002+07:00

There are points of time when the human choice is negated, there are other times in the bible when God seems to allow some degree of autonomy to test the human being and to allow the consequences of his choices to play out. I think of Balaam who was allowed to go curse the people of Israel. Not so much because God wanted it but Balaam wanted it and God let him. Only that Balaam would be surprised by a donkey.

Choices at end of the day are when we face myriad paths, but the path of obedience is just one. We got to, in His grace, make that choice. Sometimes obedience requires suspension of logic because the path of disobedience looks so much more enticing. Like when Abraham was asked to sacrifice his son.

It tells us one important lesson. Obedience always requires trust in the goodness of the Lord. And if we fail to submit, we just show that the person we trust most is our self.

2011-10-04T21:33:00.006+07:00

I write this post with the encouragement of someone I love very dearly.

As work and the commitments of life increase, the motions of time have subtly eased themselves along. In so much as I have had the opportunity to look back, the once young eyes, now gaze upon 27 years that have passed. Raising a hand to touch the faded photo frame, i pause to consider the emotions once felt at that place. No one told me then, that I would be holding the photo at a later stage, with sentimentality and hands more fragile.

Then I was a young army boy, with quite a fit frame and shortened hair. With a meek smile i sat amongst my church friends and after a snap of the Polaroid, we marched off for our weekly lunch. Wiping the thin layer of dust away, i recognized every person and admittedly, some names were lost to me. Of the 20 that were there, only 4 of us remained in the same church. The rest had moved somewhere else. Some had sadly not been in church for years.

Placing the frame back on the emptied drawer, I closed my eyes to feel. Memories return but the feelings experienced then can only be gently touched, never replicated in full. Yet memories are great teachers, wielded for God's great purpose. I remember the follies of a young age but what I remember most, was that God drew near and touched my young heart, motioning it towards Himself. He found me in the weakness of my heart and gently led this foe to its resting place.

It is in this that I understand why, this afternoon, in the office, a gently tug was felt in my busied soul. I paused, raised my hands and for some time felt the call to enter in. He remembered me and I did willingly succumb.

2011-04-20T23:13:00.002+07:00

Should all of time paused and I were given the chance to return to any moment before, I would wish to return to the place where my Saviour was hoisted upon the tree. There I would wish to bow and worship in deserved contrition, for love kissed the wretched and offered perfection as a sacrifice.

For the longest time, I knew little about the vulnerabilities of love and lamented the lack of men whom I could model after. Yet the faint but delightful knowledge of Christ, withholding nothing, sharing everything, including his struggles gives me hope. Hope that it is possible for the human being to share his weaknesses with a people who probably would not appreciate it. For in weakness, and especially in its boasting, is Christ demonstrated to be truly awesome.

So come Lord, come and whisper into my weak heart, the song i will be singing for eternity. the songs about your love and forgiveness.

Humility

2011-03-17T23:19:00.004+07:00

Now O Lord, if you are willing grant me humility, so that You might give me grace and a deeper revelation of Your glory.

Community

2011-03-05T08:00:00.003+07:00

As I begin to consider the past, in particular my friends and all the communities that I have been a part of, I begin to realise that none of them were perfect. I have to state categorically that many of these places like being in ACS and BB in particular were some of the best places to build a community. But Human beings are human beings in the end. I am far from perfect either. The reality is that we live in a charred world and there is no perfect place of belonging.

As age catches up and I am exposed to an unkind world, I begin to see how human relationships are in danger of becoming transactional. Mutual benefit - whether monetary or emotional - characterize friendships, marriages and working relations. The pained truth is that every human being searches for place to belong and yet succumbs to the primal/sinful instinct of gaining leverage over those around him. The world is unfortunately a place where human beings compete for worth and value. Such then is why there is a certain despondency when I consider all of this, because while we are the products of the race, we are also its victims.

Can love then flourish in this place? can it ever become unconditional? I think more and more, that while it can, it demands sacrifice. To be like Christ, one has to be assured of one's worth. One has to have hope in a place where his/her belonging is not on the basis of works but is on the foundations of unconditional grace. You see, I was reading Moses. Moses was a horrible man for the longest time. He murdered, lacked confidence in God. It was so bad that when God appeared in a burning Bush, he looked at himself and had no faith in all that God said. He felt detached from community because of his sins and lacked confidence because of all his inadequacies.

But I thank God that though there is no perfect community on earth, there is a perfect one in heaven. And while our sins may be amassed against us on the Day of power, we can boldly proclaim the blood of Christ. We belong to Christ and that is enough. Like Moses, the grace and power of God will become so apparent that we can daringly ask "Show me your glory (Exo 33:18)". And when God finally shows His person, all the imperfections around us will fade into the dust, and the heralding of all our hearts deepest longings will be fulfilled in the worship that will ensue.

When God finally came before Moses, this is what the bible says "Then the Lord came down and proclaimed His name, the LORD. and he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming,"The LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. yet He does not leave the wicked unpunished..." (34:5-7a)

2011-03-01T16:55:00.002+07:00

I yearn to touch a morning which will never set, where the whispers of love are no longer drowned out by the noises of everyday life.

And I do think that it is well that our soul yearns for a place which we know can never exist while evil and sin roam amidst us, but if men do not hope, men cannot live.

Faith

2011-02-05T15:32:00.003+07:00

Before the unfurling scroll of human history, faith is the comfort and hope that steadies the heart and rests the spirit. The more I think of the epochs and ages of mankind, the more I see the tension between present circumstance and the knowledge of history's inevitable end.

In Hippo, the Vandals surround the city. Augustine is on his death bed. Up till then he had known the world to be roman. The sacking of Rome had led him to write the magisterial "City of God". The war drums sounds at the gates of the city, signifying the barbarians at the gates. Augustine has two feelings. On one hand, the world is in turmoil and peace is torn asunder. Yet there is an overriding knowledge of a city on a hill that will never end. But how do you see heaven while your eyes are on earth? How do you live for a future if the present is so pressing?

With his eyes closed, and his lips trembling, Augustine smiles. "Faith is to believe what you do not see, and the reward of your faith is to see what you believe"

1600 years later, Bonhoeffer rests in his prison cell. The Nazis are supreme in Europe and the preacher knows his life is nearing its end. There is a damp feel to the darkened cell and he wonders if his struggle had been in vain.

Smiling, he says "The essence of optimism is that it takes no account of the present, but it is a source of inspiration, of vitality and hope where others have resigned; it enables a man to hold his head high, to claim the future for himself and not to abandon it"

Faith my dear friends, is the source of endurance and the eyes to see a future when our circumstances offer no clue. Faith is the quiet strength that makes the father stand on the hill to lookout for the prodigal son every evening. Faith is power that held the apostles to their instruments of death as everyone faced death because of the gospel. Faith is the reason why tomorrow and tomorrow is worth the living, because faith is the portrait of the one I love, with his comment at the bottom of the picture - "I will be here soon".

2011-01-27T13:56:00.002+07:00

So I am in the Arabian Desert. I rode a sand buggy, ate humus in a traditional nomad tent and touched camels. The vast expanse of sand and opulence of a civilization that is feeding on oil reminded me of a mirage fast disappearing at the dawn of reality. The inexcusable waste is met with the shrug of a shoulder and I am reminded of how the present can be so powerful as to hide the coming future.

I think the world in general is running away from the future. We have so many distractions and temporal activities that allow us enough fulfillment to obscure the future. These distractions are often good things. While I was on a bus in Riyadh, I imagined a man on his death bed holding the hand of his wife. While many will find that sweet, i could sense a palatable fear as the man faces up to the fact that his wife would never be able to accompany him into the life thereafter. His life will be judged - every action, thought and word. Love did not carry him through, at least in the way he had expected. Marriage is the closest thing to heaven on earth, because it reflects Christ's reunion with the Church, and because it is close enough, it is also one of the biggest idols in our generation, or any generation for that matter.

I remembered running a race and along the way there were nice pitstops with loads of water. I was very tempted to stop and indulge myself in a time of rest. My body was aching and at my age, I thought, its not good to push myself too hard. But the obvious truths are not difficult to see, they are just easy to push away when other forces are at work. If I had stopped, I would have had instant pleasure but soon, I will be spending many a waking hour wondering how good it would have been if I had just finished the race. You see, I could enjoy the same pleasures too and the knowledge of a race well run. The present obscured the future. I would have traded in what was best for what was presently good.

As such I learnt from my time in Saudi Arabia, a few lessons.

1. The future must guide the present and the present should never be allowed to chart my future.

2. The goal and the prize is worth all sacrifices now.

3. Define each present good in relation to how it would better increase my enjoyment of the future.

关怀方式

2011-01-16T22:43:00.006+07:00

"我的关怀方式是你无法察觉的悲凉
只能在你不经意时才锁上我心房
你往常的亲切友善是我今生的遗憾
受伤後无悔的埋在不流露的脸上"

There is a certain sadness that men mingle with love. A longing, a dissatisfaction and a pained joy. There is a sense that the deepest recesses of the heart can never be clearly communicated from one to another. More than that, a certain foreknowledge that mortality will soon take one from another.

Two natural feelings will then ensue - jealousy and resignation. First a touch of jealousy because only God can reach and minister into areas where I cannot. Second, a constant and real insecurity because tomorrow might be the last we meet. To ponder into the future with my helplessness and know that my love is limited by my failed humanity and sealed with the ruthlessness of time is potion for melancholy.

But these will only be so if one's responses to this is primal.

Meeting God through His word and in prayer urges me to something deeper and fuller. One can be used to love and minister in the first place only when he reaches that place where God is acknowledged as the source and power of love. That when mortal love must end, it is so that real immortal love can be best shown in time. That in the fulfillment of things, love can deepen in ways that love on earth cannot.

That then leads me to love with both sadness and joy, mingled and mixed, submitted to Christ, who with nail pierced hands condescended in pain and in so doing, raised mankind to be His joy. And in so knowing this, to understand that love in this temporal land is best known through certain pain with the real expectation of unfettered joy thereafter.

Looking back

2011-01-02T21:40:00.005+07:00

Gazing back upon the previous 5 years, what best summarizes my life can be found in one word - Brokenness. To return to Singapore, from the hallowed halls of Oxford to serve in the BB. For that I received scoffs and ridicule. Then I entered the military, where I realised that younger men were given the authority to lord over me. And while I watched with sad amazement as many of my recruits were treated poorly, with little care for their souls by reckless men, I felt the powerlessness of being a mere human being in a sea of sin. Soon I entered the workplace and realised that no profession was as noble as the man that inhabited it. And the hearts of men are dark by nature. Through this, he broke me and crushed much within me.

But in all of these days, was God not kind to me? Was not the breaking part of His awesome love? Was He not tightening His embrace around my weakened frame, whispering assurance into my ears? would it not be cruelty if He had not broken and left me in eternal despair? For while the youthful confidence of my heart waned, God came and kissed my soul. As I raised my hands to worship Him, I remembered how He had allowed me to see lives changed. I had seen people's lives develop steadily in the Word and with that God has given me reasons to rejoice. And the joy far outweighed all other considerations! In all this time, He continued to reveal the gospel to me, not simply in an intellectual way, but in a measure of experience that took my breath away.

For ask me now, was it all worth it? yes the ride was worth it. The breaking was part of the joy and with the breaking the joys increased. And looking ahead, i can see nothing but a deepening of this.

Colin sent me this song. Do join me in singing to God :)

A New Year's Wedding

2011-01-01T22:04:00.003+07:00

I awoke to 2011, with a wedding to attend. An old BB friend whom I had known for more than a decade was about to make his vows before God - to love and cherish his bride. One day, in a new dawn, not too long from thence, a groom will also return for His bride. A pure and adorned bride, will stand before her spouse and unlike that which I had seen today, the Groom will walk down the aisle and fetch her. In that day, there will be cheering from throngs of the most dignified creatures and the fulfillment of time will be with us at last.

I pondered on some of that as I walked to the pulpit to read the passage and pray for the couple. Feeling the handles of BRMC's pupit, I looked at the passage (1 Cor 13: 4-8a) and proceeded to read.

"Love never fails..." There was time to pause at the significance of these words. In the dawn of a new year, how sweet to remember that the love of Christ for His church will never fail. In the annuals of eternity, there is such a love. In the realms of our mortal planet, such is hard to consider, for how often has human affections faltered? but in the hands that bare scars, there is a story of a King who will continue to pursue His bride, all throughout eternity.

With that I close my eyes, and ask all gathered to pray with me. I remember the words and it was as such

"Bow down the heavens O Lord and come down. Do not hold back.
For all mortal marriage is but a shadow of You returning for your bride.
Grant to Kenny and Jolin all your resources to sustain their marriage.
Give to them a faith rooted in You, a love beyond reason, an everlasting hope and a peace that surpasses all understanding.
For in Christ all things hold together and it is for You and through You we pray
Amen."

Raising my eyes, a longing grew. Until He returns, every marriage will but grow the groaning of an already sore heart and every march down the aisle will but move the spirit to long for its final reunion.

To the Primers 07/08

2010-12-30T14:49:00.001+07:00

Dear Friends

Sometimes, I wonder how all of you are doing. Recently I bumped into Joshua Cao in Vivo city and he was with a girl, holding his arm. True to type, I thought, “Gosh, it used to be prohibited in BB.” Of course, Joshua clarified and told me she was just an affectionate friend and being trusting, I had a nice chat with Joshua whom I had not seen in some time. I remembered how many of you were, when at 16, a number of you sat and bore a whole hour of grueling bible study. Since then, 4 years has passed us by.

Undoubtedly, I am reminded of the need to congratulate all the guys for having finished the military (Some in February). Collecting the pink I/C is always slightly underwhelming, but the life that will soon greet you is quite a revolutionary change. From here all your paths must diverge. From here, if you should falter there will be fewer sympathetic people to lift you up and love you as you are. This is the proverbial big wide world and bare this in mind, it has sharp teeth.

As such, with as much brotherly kindness and gentleness that I can muster, I would like to share with you some advice. These lessons I had learnt mostly from mistakes of my own and I hope you will find them valuable.

1. Love your family. As you grow older, you will appreciate the joys of having a safe place to return to. Not investing your time and prayers in your family is a recipe for isolation and sadness. If there are hurts between you and your family members, it is time to be mature and confront them. One day all your friends will be very busy with life and all you have will be the people at home who watched you grow up and love you still the same.

2. Be rooted in a good church. Good fellowship and a suitable place for service are keys to building your love life with Jesus. I hope all of you are either actively building gospel centric ministries or are attending churches that place Christ at the centre of the ministry. This will have an eternal imprint on your lives.

3. Be content with excellence and not outcomes. Many people will tell you to get to the top with minimal effort. Few will tell you that how you do things matter more than the results. The Christian view of life has always been to do all for the glory of God and as much as we try to influence the outcomes, we entrust them into God’s hands. Do your best in Christ and worry not about the rest.

4. Remember Jesus Christ Always. If you should forget all of BB and all of ACS, then this one advice is all you need to remember. There is nothing more beautiful that God’s unconditional love, nothing more horrid than the reality of our darkened heart and nothing more precious than His sacrifice that took our sins and rescued our souls.

Finally, it befits me to wish all of you well. I suspect I will not be seeing some of you for a long time, especially if you travel afar for studies. But I know that what binds us in Christ is far stronger than distance and time.

Remember Jesus in this new year.
Yours
Charles Ng

My Christmas Thoughts

2010-12-27T23:29:00.003+07:00

Loved Unconditionally.

Knowledge

2010-12-21T23:32:00.006+07:00

There are many moments in my life when speaking to a well trained christian leaves me somewhat empty. He runs through the doctrines with coherence and understanding. A keen intellect with a good grasp of the issues at hand and yet we stare at each other with a sad distance. There is an air of erudition at the names of authors he has encountered in reading and though we stand on the same doctrinal foundations, there was a language we were not using. i think we must have separated the understanding of Christianity from placing a finger on the pulse of the Christian soul, detaching the logical understanding of crucial knowledge from its natural expressions.

I think it comes down to what we understand by knowledge. In Colossians 1, Paul says that he prays for the Christians that they may grow in the knowledge of His will so that they will grow in the knowledge of God. All knowledge ultimately serves a relational purpose. Learning theology was primarily to know God better. Epistemology (study of knowledge) was not meant to be metaphysical (abstract thinking)primarily, it was there to service a love life - real and experienced.

C.S. Lewis was a good example of one who having dealt with the topic of suffering in such a logically robust and prescient way, oddly found little strength in them when he lost his wife. When the chips are down a good understanding of suffering, abject lost and pain is necessary but rather insufficient. It's the knowledge of God that matters. For Lewis it was a visit to church and while in the midst of prayer, he heard a loving God whisper into his heart. In his interactions with God, he found solace and confidence.

There is a language of the heart the language of the mind must reach into and touch. Theology is necessary but it must be placed in the context of knowing someone and loving someone. When God spoke to Job, He did not talk to Job about apologetics. Rather He told Job in no uncertain terms that He was a sovereign, majestic, all knowing and loving God. That was exactly what Job needed.

Does this then discredit apologetics and doctrine. Certainly not! but it tells us that doctrine at its best is not an article of pride or simply a concept to be mastered, but it is the foundation to a humbling love life. It is a channel to which we funnel our minds and lives through for deeper worship. When doctrine is stripped of relationship, doctrine is empty. Imagine knowing about Jesus' birth, death and resurrection without actually letting it humble and transform us. Imagine knowing of Grace without bowing down in helplessness and thanking God for love.

2010-12-12T22:46:00.004+07:00

Today, I had the privilege of sharing from 1 Cor 13 on love.

And it dawned upon me of how having the privilege of sharing the Word has blessed me in so many ways.

1) Growing sense of my unworthiness in preaching. The more I share, the more I sense that I am such an unworthy vassal but God uses me to show how He can use a weak man to accomplish His work.

2) A deepening awareness of my dependence on His Grace. Nothing good can come out of my mouth if He does not first offer grace. Sometimes I prepare a passage so hard and when it is shared, it does not achieve much effect. It has dawned on me that preparation is important but it is wise not to put our trust in that, but in Christ. We trust that He will help us prepare well and use us to treat His Word responsibly.

3)Thanksgiving. After every bible study, I am thankful for being alive. Preaching also exposes the inadequacies in my own life. And I am thankful to Him for sending me people to help me by living their lives so faithfully and sharing with me how I can teach the Word better.

2 men and the rabbit

2010-12-05T03:02:00.003+07:00

And so my mother is going to be in Japan for 1 month. My jap-crazy brother will be there for 50 days for research. That leaves me with my dad at home. To cure our loneliness, my dad brings his rabbit back from the office. So there are now two men and a rabbit, making the most of their lives. The rabbit is trained to use the toilet by himself. Which means he actually hops into the toilet and defecates at the designated spot! and he eats a whole army of rabbit food. It's a topic for father and son bonding. talking about A Du (rabbits name).

overall
rather sad but also, i hope, quite endearing.

Day 1 – Jesus knows us well

2010-11-29T01:52:00.003+07:00

I wrote this on the plane for you:

The funny thing about plane rides in Nippon Airways is this - they always assume that I am Japanese and in my bit to not embarrass the stewardess, I just nod my head and play along. When unbearable I just speak in English and the stewardesses smile sheepishly. Their discomfort is noted and I just smile. We dwell in a world of assumptions. A world where it is impossible to completely know another person and forced to use arbitrary lenses, we build perceptions that are hard to wash away. In such a world, I suspect there is a desire to be known fully and yet to hide if possible.

It is then comforting when God says in Jeremiah 17:10

“I the LORD searches the heart and tests the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.”

We occasionally sigh at how it takes a lifetime to know someone, only to finish that life feeling we might not have fully known. Mankind is capable of that degree of depth because their creator made them that way. That they are unable to know themselves is simply a tragedy, resulting from their distance from God. A while ago I fiddled with a gadget and could neither make much headway with it. Along came a man who with a slight tweak got it to work. I commented, “well you’re a techie aren’t you?” He replied, “not really, it’s more like, I made the thing.”

The Creator makes no assumptions about His creation. It’s sad that we make assumptions about people and try to tweak with lives and wonder why we make no headway. It’s the Creator who has the right to come, take the thing and say “well, I made it.” Make no mistake then, Jesus knows us well and loves us just the same.

So my thoughts took quite a travel as I nodded at the stewardess who meekly handed me my green tea. I guess we can never fully know each other, not to say everyone. But I think if we know God more, the people around us will always be known better. It will be easier to see why God says in Jeremiah 17:9, that our hearts are desperately sick. It will also be easier to see why despite this, God can say that He loves us deeper than we can ever know. With that we make less assumptions and love people, who are always especially hard to love in good times and bad times.

2010-11-24T13:49:00.000+07:00

That a teacher of the gospel should first be a partaker of it is a simple truth, but at the same time a rule of the most weighty importance. We are not among those who accept the apostolic succession of young men simply because they assume it; if their college experience has been rather vivacious than spiritual, if their honours have been connected with athletic exercises than with labours for Christ, we demand evidence of another kind than they are able to present to us. No amount of fees paid to learned doctors, and no amount of classics received in return, appear to us to be evidences of a call from above. True and genuine piety is necessary as the first indispensable requisite; whatever “call” a man may pretend to have, if he has not been called to holiness, he certainly has not been called to the ministry.

Spurgeon

2010-11-22T20:26:00.003+07:00

I like to sit and watch the sun lower itself behind the shade and hear the birds chirp as they nest themselves for the view. The specter of a retiring sun, paling out slowly amidst the cooling air.

Have I told you I loved a quiet sunset in the autumn wind? Where the shadows of day touch the seams of midnight. Did I whisper how I fancy the falling leaves that wade along the windy pathways? Why they die, I scare comprehend. the measured brilliance of a dying day, the final twinkle of an eye and then all is dark once more. Were it to be less great if the moment lasted forever for it is in the dying that its greatness lasted longer.

I need to go to work. :P

2010-11-19T13:51:00.004+07:00

I should squeeze in some writing while I am in the waiting room. I'm supposed to meet with a "mentor" to discuss work improvement areas and I guess having gone through a few tests the past few days, I'm expecting it to be a meaningful session. Of course work is piling up and the bosses are expecting submissions but i quite enjoy the adrenaline rush.

The thing about our lives is this. There is so much that is urgent and so little that is important. What I do mean is that the things that matter are rarely the things that take up our time. That's certainly one way to see it.

In this train of thought, it matters more how we do things rather than the very task that is being done. I think that's another way to see it as well.

Since I suspect both statements are true, I can see my life being re-orientated in two ways so as to better reflect God's love.

1) To invest more time in relationships rather than in tasks/operations. I had a dinner with a friend last evening and the best topics center on how people's lives are changed through involvement in programs...etc. I'm glad we did not talk about what great things we've been doing, but rather how lives are being changed. So I'm quite convinced that I should spend myself involved in changing lives rather than in changing organisations.

2) To invest time in doing tasks with excellence. This is where I struggle in if people are not involved. If you asked me to do something that is purely operational and people are not in it, i do get very bored after a while. That is just me perhaps and I've observed that after 26 years. I like being alone, but I also like working with people to see them do well in the Lord. It's just how I was ordered and how I can best glorify God. In saying that, if i were offered tasks that are not people centric, I should do them well because God is glorified in that also.

So may God grant grace to help me.

2010-11-17T21:29:00.004+07:00

Take everything away and all I have is Jesus and His love.

I own nothing, earned nothing and am nothing.

All I have is Jesus. And I thank God for that

When Older

2010-11-11T16:32:00.004+07:00

Sometimes I wonder what old age would bring. Will I be sitting in the park with a walking stick watching the younger folk run by. With a wrinkled forehead, remnants of what was once a full crown of hair, just quietly watching the world wander along. Perhaps in my free time, I will be found playing with my grandchildren, buying them toys and shielding them from any attempts by their parents to discipline them. I suspect I would still be found serving in church as one of those aged uncles that everyone tolerates and entertains out of goodwill. Enjoying the final vagaries of life.

Old age is like that, relaxing, slightly aimless and really rather hopeful. At the final stretch of the race, I hope God gives me grace to sprint to the finish with youthful passion. I have been thinking about mortality and I know with a high certainty that I will grow old and pass on. Pass on, not Pass away. In Christ, I am moving into His arms and not meaninglessly into the ground.

Suppose the world is but a moment and the pains and joys but moments within a moment and soon the clock hand shifts and all that we once knew fades beyond the cloud, into the repository of time past. The curtains pull back and the courtrooms of glory in its pleasant splendour unfurls. I see Love Himself resting upon a throne of grace and then watch as the aged body pass on into an eternal embrace. I was never old, but young enough to grow into eternity.

Yup, with hands upon my walking stick and my chin resting on my hands. Watching the people walk through the park, as they celebrate the energy still within them , now no longer with me. I will dream of this moment passing and pray that in my youth, I had kept vigil, wishing still for that ancient King to come and take my breath away.

What Love demands

2010-10-30T16:21:00.006+07:00

Three things I've come to see about Love

Love demands sacrifice - Because Christ first gave Himself for the church, sacrificing His whole life without complain so likewise love's first characteristic is self denial for another person's sake. My mother was in the living room watching her tv shows and as i walked back to my room with my cup of ribenna, she asked me to have a talk with her. Now, if you know me, ribenna time usually means I'm going to sleep soon. So I just smiled and walked back to my room and whipped out the book I intended to read for the evening. But then I felt a gentle tug on my heart. I sighed and knew why. I looked at the cup of ribenna my mum had made and in 5 minutes I was out in the living room with the latest Economist, my cup of Ribenna and a listening ear. I confess that I almost fell asleep while talking to my mother but, I think it made her really rather happy. It was a humbling reminder that if I loved my mother, I must neglect my wants to meet hers. LArgely also because my mother had given so much to me. She was the one who loved sacrificially even when i could not repay her. She gave much of her life to me and in so many ways I can relate to God because of my mum. So what is an evening from me? Real love always requires sacrifice. It does not have to be big sacrifices, but time, priorities and little acts of love even when we have much to do expresses alot.

Love demands devotion - One thing I have come to see in Jesus, is His incomparable devotion to His church. He pursues her despite her unfaithfulness and treasures and protects her with a sweet tenderness. In my church, there is an exemplary couple -Eu Jin and Mei Lin - Eu Jin was a lawyer who slowly lost his sense of sight. Once, I remembered Eu Jin saying on stage, how he would love to see mei lin again but accepted that he might only do so in heaven. I note most humbly how mei lin has always stood by eu jin, holding his hand, guiding him during meal times and caring for all his needs. And I do mean all his needs. Love is a wholehearted devotion and it devotes ones' life to caring for people with laser focus and faithfulness.

Finally, I think Love demands patience - Love waits and suffers long. It is willing to suffer affront and will meekly work until the object of its attention is changed. It realises that not everything changes quickly, that some people will need years rather than days and weeks. Here I remember the older people who cared for me patiently, waiting and believing on my behalf that one day I will and can be a better person, serving the church for the sake of the Lord. I believe that we all have people like that in our lives, don't we? and to these very patient men and women, a debt of honour is owed to you.

And in these moments of rumination, I commend to you these qualities. That they are evident in Christ, that they should be expressed in the Christian and that we should keenly avoid selfishness, self centeredness, unfaithfulness and impatience.

May God give us grace :)

Family is Key

2010-10-29T18:41:00.005+07:00

I think we've come to diminish the importance of family unnecessarily. Today, we invest in youth ministries, schools, youth hubs and fun facilities to engage and reach youth. Even organizations like the Boys' Brigade grew out of the need to evangelize to disenfranchised, street youth. But I think BB officers need to know this - that if families were godly then there would be no need for BB at all. Youth ministries would not struggle with engaging youth if these kids were mentored in gospel centric homes.

Thus it's something I have learned and something I will keep saying to all youth leaders, cell leaders and shepherd wannabes - If you really want to be effective, if you really are concerned about God's glory in the life of your members, then you have to be able to touch the lives of your cell member's families. In the long run, being a shepherd means lovingly ensuring that God's pervasive love reaches the family.

Youth leaders, you will never understand your youths' situation until you pay attention to their family. You will understand why they behave as they are behaving today only when you actually visit the family and engage the parents.

I was listening to a Lee Strobel sharing today and he shared a startling result from a study. That all the atheists studied in the past 300 years had one common trademark - problematic father relationships. Each of them had fathers who 1) abandoned the family, 2)or died when they were young or 3)had very difficult relations with their children. We begin to see the problem, can't we? Thus I will make a controversial statement here. Most people do not reject God because of intellectual arguments. It's usually because of a moral objection to obedience, an emotion repulsion to love that comes from authority and a deep pain that was nurtured since the powerless, defenseless moments of childhood.

You see, we need to pray for the family. On one hand we need people who love the gospel to share it well. But if these people are happy being right without loving enough to be vulnerable and probe into the lives of people, then I am afraid you are an ineffective shepherd. Take time to minister to families, plead for people to forgive their parents and be ready to face up to your own inadequate family.

That I think is how we must proceed.

Drawing close

2010-10-15T16:40:00.007+07:00

Yesterday night, I tried to sleep early. Having now become accustomed to life without long undisturbed naps, I decided that this was going to a different night. So i laid my body down to rest at midnight and closed my eyes. I was expecting sunshine to stream in the moment I woke up. But there was no sunshine and there were no birds chirping. My eyes awoke to the night of 3.30am and I climbed out of my bed to a morning about to break.

Somewhat restless and disappointed, I sat on my chair. There were half finished books on my desk, smiling meekly at me. I turned their advances away. At the corner, was where my laptop bag resided and it widened its eyes and gazed into mine. I gave it no second glances and stared into the dark red sky beyond the window frame. Then very subtly, I knew who woke me up.

I know my Lord is not lonely but He knows I am sometimes. He definitely knows what's weighing on my heart also. So I did all I could do in that rather sleepy, dreamy state - wait for Him to talk. it helps that as I grow older I do talk alot less. I reach my hand out into the air and want to hold His hand. I feel nothing in my palm except air. I despair. I close my eyes and fold my hands. And then He reached forth and now, there was no more doubt.

God is great, worthy of worship and lovingly close. And all my world with its worries faded away as He drew me close.

Oxford

2010-10-02T23:35:00.012+07:00

There is a river in Oxford that is always quiet and widens with the years. I used to stand at the bridge and watch the waters flow far far away.

A week ago, I wandered back into the tall arcs and spires of Oxford. Having taken the Oxford Tube (bus ride) up, and feeling slightly dizzy, I took my time to push my roller off in the direction of Abingdon and into White House Lane. There,I waited by the pub and stared at the river. The air was scintillating and fresh, evoking a string of arguments I had developed while walking the hills and meadows nearby. When I was younger, I used to ponder in the wild.

Walking towards me in his usual jaunty, self conscious demeanor was Dave, now a PHD student, a boxing enthusiast with touches of stubble and the same meek smile. My Taiwanese american friend (or xiao da wei as he was affectionately known) was today, grown up with a an air of confidence. A while before, he was at my table in church, a smart undergraduate, learning the Word of God together; today he was running his own table with young undergraduates.

" Da wei, you've grown up huh?" I teased.

"Mr Ng, so have you." he retorted. And we were back to where we had left off 4 years ago. Then Dave, John and myself would hang out together- cooking, watching movies, talking politics or theology and being as boys should be. John is now pursuing his academic career in Berkley, Dave in Oxford and I, the lone civil servant, writing papers, 13000km away in Singapore.

I went about the city with Dave, making my way through the large bookshops, buying the books i had longed to read. The smell of Ben's cookies was captivating and I munched 2 double chocolate chip cookies down in record speed. I used to swear by the health benefits of having a cookie a day. Dave, shared about his life since, and I thanked God for His faithfulness in seeing Dave through all these years. I get great joy seeing people grow in the Lord.

Sauntering into my old college, i noticed the windows of my old room. it was a 400 year old room and i had been one of the 400 students to inhabit it. Jesus college still shone in the sun and my tutor, Dr Felicity Heal, with her usual aplomb, greeted me and shook my hand. 7 years ago, she read my personal statement and thought I would be a good fit. 7 years later, her incisive comments and brilliant mind had made a lasting impression on my intellectual formation. We talked for about an hour in the Senior Commons room which blacked out in traditional Oxford fashion and raised some awkwardness and alot of laughter. Christianity in the far east was the topic for discussion. I wondered if this would be our last "tutorial" for Dr Heal was retiring, and with that a piece of Oxford would fade away with her.

Walking out of the college, I wandered into Brasenose Lane, that quiet and lonely lane. These narrow lanes were the reason for my growing melancholy over those fond 3 years. I lifted my head and at the bend, a familiar figure with hands tucked in the pocket drew closer towards me. Much had changed in 4 years, but little did, as we met again at the pebbled walkway. Tom Prideaux, my intellectual competitor and very good friend, with a twitch of a smile, drew up and with an unassuming handshake, bridged all the differences of time and experience. We continued where we last left off -everything from British politics to Roy Jenkins with ardent enthusiasm. Historians do not live in the past, we are creatures who see it in the present better than most and face it with a tender disposition.

We waited for the rest of the historians (or Whigs as we had so termed ourselves). Everyone of us was situated somewhere beyond Oxford. Laughter grew as the numbers increased. Before long, we were off to a Chinese restaurant. It was the location of our last meal together. The moments ran away in quiet abandon and the sun set long before we parted. En Route to Dave's room, I paused and smiled.

The evening ended as Dave took me to his living room and asked me to play the guitar. My jet lag had long kicked in and I was trying my best to sing to the Christian melodies. The fireplace warmed the room amply and soon my eyes saw the last of the Oxford evening and rest wrapped itself around my tired body.

I missed Oxford because there were people to share the memories with. As they begin to leave, the memories of Oxford begin to fade into the distance. All that remains is a feeling, a sense, an experience, a whiff of a time past and all that will meet me in the quiet as I write, is the sight of the river, flowing into the sunset, touching the seams of a setting sun, parting ways with me.

2010-09-29T22:38:00.002+07:00

Should Love pause for wounds so grievous?
and speak to muting ears?

How shall I write? It has not been the best of days. It has not been the easiest of days. But these are the days when I need to write and say again that my God is worthy of my praise and my whole life.

To say to You, simply, You're the best thing that has ever happened to me
To worship You and sing, Jesus, You're more than enough for me
To love You with my weakened heart and spirit
and again withhold no possession from You.

Love beyond love, whose height and depth confounds measurement, be near to me I pray.

An ordinary pastor

2010-09-26T20:08:00.002+07:00

Got this from gospel coalition's blog. very good

"This is the story of an ordinary pastor who loved much.

It’s also a story of sheep and wolves, of youthful idealism meeting the cynical establishment, of how the gospel affected both.

When a fresh-faced, 29-year-old pastor arrived in a one-church town in rural Pennsylvania with his wife and small children, he came committing to live and die there. He came dedicating his life and energies, trusting God to care for him as he cared for them. What he came to was a flock living in fear of dominating personalities, leadership themselves too fearful to stand against the abuse, and a long-standing commitment to the status quo.

But there was work to be done, so he rolled up his sleeves and dug in. His days were filled with prayer, visiting the sick, hospitality, counseling, and study. He wasn’t perfect. He made mistakes. At times, he sinned. But he preached the truth of Christ to them and lived the love of Christ among them.

Predictably, his ministry conflicted with the powers that be and soon met with personal slander and financial manipulation. His family was subjected to the disgrace of food stamps and welfare. Yet he persisted, captured by the promise that God’s Word does not return empty. Perhaps one more day, one more conversation, one more something.

Finally one day he turned to his wife and simply said, “You and I suffer from Messiah-complexes, and there’s only one Savior.”

It was enough. God would care for his sheep. He needed to care for his family. So with heavy heart, he drafted his resignation and submitted it to the ruling board. It was met with cool indifference.

As a last pastoral act, he determined to visit the membership personally to explain why he needed to leave them. Love demanded nothing less than to look each in the eye, thank them for their faithfulness, and commit their families to the hand of the Father. What he found was a congregation fundamentally changed by the gospel. Years of spiritual neglect and abuse had broken.

“Please don’t leave,” they pleaded. “You are our pastor. You are our shepherd. No one has ever cared for us like you have.”

Testimonies of marriages restored, lives rescued by Christ, and hearts alive with grace poured forth. Where fear once dominated, the power and courage of Christ had taken root.

For three long, complicated years, he had loved, fought for, and protected the flock. For three long, complicated years, he had preached Christ. For three long, complicated years, he thought that nothing had changed.

He was wrong.

Truthfully, for some nothing had. Their hearts had been hardened to the same sweet gospel rain that had watered the sprouts of grace in so many others. And in the end, without repentance and a structure for dealing with sin, there was no way to save the organization. The ruling personalities dug in, choosing to remove the pastor from the pulpit for the remainder of his tenure. The congregation, in turn, voted with their feet, choosing to leave what for many of them was the only church they had ever known, eventually committing themselves and their families to other true shepherds of the gospel.

If success were measured in structures and organizations, his ministry was a dismal failure. But gospel success is not measured this way; it is measured in lives changed and redeemed; it is measured in captives being set free and in judgment brought on oppressors. Remember this, ordinary pastor: Gospel success is God’s faithfulness to his Word; it is his promise to build his church; and it is his commitment to not overlook your work and love in service to his saints. Remember this ordinary pastor, and be encouraged."

By the rivers of Lucerne

2010-09-06T16:08:00.005+07:00

My previous post was part of my rather failed endeavour to pen something a little more magical. I should try to keep it up - maybe it will work after a few tries. But currently I'm in Lucerne, Switerland, a short stopover from a work trip. I wished I could go out and walk a little bit more, but due to increasing amounts of work, I need to stay in the hotel room for most of the day.

But as much as I'd been able to wander beyond these walls, I see the autumn sunshine and hear the breeze beside the wide nearby river. The air is cool and the waters wade along, playing and singing to the passer-by. The children play with the water-coolers nearby and there appears to be time for smiles. I ponder at the quiet, and read by the river. I've brought Hilary Mantel's Wolf Hall (a book) for leisure. It's not a very suitable book, but it'll do in this lovely place. Switzerland is beautiful and all is as it should be for a few moments - quiet, natural and soothing.

In the night I enter a restaurant where a band plays folk music. The hall is filled with people of varying nationalities and the old favourites like "O Sarah" and "My Bonnie lies over the ocean" are churned out to a receptive audience. There is laughter and singing. I sit and ponder. There is much to like, but I am alone. And it begins to hit home - I am wrapping my life with moments stripped of company. Not that its bad, but time has began to separate my life, into the train of aloneness, into the company of one, where glistening beauty is seen but not shared.

I shake my head and finish my meal. The sun had long set as I walked along a bridge. Up along the river, a mountain peered down from its heights. The sentinels of the sky whispered silence with their brilliance. People come, people go, they do not remain. Fame today, gone tomorrow. Foolish the men who pursue the temporal. In aloneness, there are lessons about this world, human company cannot teach.

I place my hand on my bible and read the Psalms. In Switzerland, I'm pondering my life. In aloneness, I remember why David said, "As the deer pants for the water, so my soul longs for you (Psalms 63)."

In aloneness the important things become starkly obvious.

The book

2010-08-14T21:41:00.005+07:00

Gently, he moved his aged fingers across the oak colored spines, caressing every alternate book, humming a melody as if each touch was a note on the piano. Carelessly reaching into the shelf filled with pages of unread wisdom, he picks up a dusty tome, that fills his nostrils with a misty taste. His music pauses at the crescendo as he fingers for a page. Parting the covers, with his fingers on the page, an air of pained repose engulfs the little study room.

"There are times when we must rest in some pain", thinks the old man, and continues his read. Pressing his fingers along the sentences, with a wearied joy, he mumbles the words to himself. There are moments that cannot end, and eternities which do. Like the moment when snow first came. The moment stayed after the snow left. Resting his eyes, he adjusts his posture before looking into the only book he has ever read. There are books which never end but do. Rivers which meander into nowhere until we see the ocean and clouds which float aimlessly by until rain begins to fall.

In the range of feelings that mankind knows, there is a feeling of empty nothing to self absorption, one least explored. The wistful feelings of self love giving birth to a sense of void, an emotionless emotion. The culmination of a witless chase, where the fanciness of money, status and power meet a self consuming heart. It strips the feelings and washes away the humanity. All that is left is an inexplicable void, an unsatisfiable expectation.

Only pain might jolt some feeling into the old man's heart. "All I wish, is but to feel again." There is now no desire, no satisfaction from the gold that fills his rooms and the phone-book draped with the names of luminaries he once knew. He closes the book and turns to the cover. The front cover was carved with these words "The life of _________, 1990 - 2070."

All along the bookshelves were books he was meant to read, lives he was meant to share in. Now they were fading away. Now there was never going to be a chance to read them again. He had only read that one old, misty book of his. That one story that took his feelings away.

2010-08-09T20:35:00.000+07:00

worth watching a number of times

2010-08-07T23:30:00.002+07:00

This song has meant so much to me

"All I once held dear, I have counted loss ... to the all surpassing gift of Knowing You"

He is coming back Again

2010-08-06T00:30:00.002+07:00

Over time I've found myself growing out of Hillsongs, but the lyrics of this song resonated deeply. Especially "The King of Glory waits, He is coming back again."

This is my deepest wish - to see You... really really wish to see you Jesus

2010-08-03T00:53:00.002+07:00

Praying with my brothers and sisters in Korea was my best takeaway in the past week and a half. In front of me, was a frail old lady in a wheel chair and beside me were old veterans with many more years under their belt. And when they prayed, it was with a battle hardened passion.

And I, a young, untested man, wondered why my prayers were so weak. Hiyah.... Father give mercy, for I am too weak in my love and too timid to draw the sword.

2010-07-09T21:52:00.002+07:00

I took my mother to NUSS guild house today. And being my usual self at home, i kept on a quiet demeanour but i guess i was rather pleased that my mother kept up her chirpy and cheery disposition. As I grow older, I've come to realise how parents love being with their children and why shouldn't they right? they've brought us up.

Something I notice about my mother is how much she's aged over time. Of course, I cannot say a word of this to her. She's been telling me how shop attendants are aghast whenever she tells them she has a 26 year old son because she looks like she's only 40. I smirk in silence - it's a sure way of getting my mother to buy something. But you see, as I notice her age, I also tend to appreciate her more. Being beautiful to the people who matter most is so important and as my mother ages, she becomes more beautiful to her children. Because everyday, we see her handiwork in our lives encrusted into her wrinkled hands. Age only makes one more beautiful.

2010-07-08T22:25:00.001+07:00

They will not hear of a mighty Jesus anymore...

Why?

2010-07-07T23:06:00.002+07:00

Essentially, I believe that there are three essential modes by which Christianity is to be studied. Broadly, they can be categorized as Systematic theology, Biblical theology and finally Historical theology. And yet while I deeply appreciate all three broad areas of study and believe that many who apply themselves to these are godly men who pray through their work, I also wish to acknowledge a number of brothers and sisters who simply read the Word and wait for the revelation of God.

Now, before I'm mistaken for being anti-intellectual, and I can assure you, if you've read the blog, you would know I tend to falter on trying to be the opposite.

You see I'm raising a concern when many elevate methodology over revelation. Not that both are mutually exclusive, since God reveals much through a right methodology, but rather that we should be wary of giving any hint of human prowess over the work of the Spirit. The theologian's greatest bulwark is the work of the Spirit. The Spirit offers truth through the study of the Word. Thus I'm not afraid to say that a friend in the jungles of africa who by circumstance has no access to great works save his bible may know the Lord far greater than the theologian who is the company of great thinkers.

You see where I'm going, do not ever pursue theological understanding separate from a pursuit of Christ. Anecdotally, I had a room mate who first learnt the right doctrines at a young age. He told it to many people with a sad aloofness and in time, he forsook much of his faith. It has been a reminder to me - theological precision is necessary but if its motivation is not to pursue Christ with deeper love and humility, it will be a potion unto numbness and hypocrisy.

I'm concerned because there is a rise of young people who have a renewed love for the gospel and have taken it upon themselves to educate the many who have not heard the most beautiful truth in the world. Yet while I heartily agree with this, I need to emphasize that this should produce a love for being at the feet of Christ. This should make us more dependent on the Spirit for revelation. This should drive real change in the hearts of these young souls. Only when there is an army of men, caught up in the grace of God, sold out to His mission, transformed in holiness, will a world be readied to hear once more.

Perhaps then, will all three branches of study be able to bare the fruits that they deserve. Then and only then will we see the bridging of the cognitive and action divide. May the Lord give grace, lest a generation of young men falter.

Prioritising Doctrine without losing touch

2010-07-01T15:25:00.003+07:00

I have found this article very helpful. I would like to encourage all to read this. Below the article by Tim Keller, reposted at Gospel Coalition

http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2010/06/29/theres-no-escaping-doctrine-but-handle-it-with-care/

There’s No Escaping Doctrine, but Handle it With Care

In his sermon “Doctrine and Life” in Walking with God: Studies in 1 John (Crossway, 1993), David Martyn Lloyd-Jones takes on people who do not like an emphasis on doctrine or theological precision. They say:

We are not interested… in your various ideas and schools of thought with regard to the precise explanation of how the atonement of Christ works. These things are of no concern to us… so long as we are living a good life and producing good works, that is the only thing that matters (p. 22).

This point of view is more prevalent than ever today. In both “liberal” and “conservative” churches, there is a resistance to an emphasis on doctrine. Often it is put this way: “We are not saved by assenting to propositions, but by obedient trust in God. What matters is being like Christ.” Lloyd-Jones’ response is, in my view, devastating:

Whether you like it or not, to speak like that is, in and of itself, to speak in a doctrinal manner. To make statements along that line is, in actual practice, to commit yourself to a particular doctrine… the doctrine of works and, in a sense, of justification by works. ‘Ah,’ but they reply, ‘we are not interested in such a term as ‘justification by works.’ But whether they are interested in such terminology of not, that is exactly what they are saying… In other words, whether we like it or not, we cannot avoid doctrine. … There is no such thing as an irreligious person; everyone has his or her religion, if you mean by religion that ultimate philosophy or view of life by which people live (p. 22-23).

So when you say, “I don’t care about doctrine, it’s how you live that matters,” you are ironically promoting the doctrine of justification by works. You are proposing that what God really wants is a good life. The response can be similar when someone claims that it doesn’t matter which religion you belong to, because all religions are alike and no one should be held to a particular doctrine of God. Yet that assumes that God is not holy, and that he does not hold people responsible for how they live. In other words, to say, “No one should be held to a particular view of God” is to assume and promote a particular view of God. To say, “Doctrine about God doesn’t matter” is itself a statement of doctrine about God — and therefore it does matter! So Lloyd-Jones concludes: “It is no use your saying, ‘We are not interested in doctrine; we are concerned about life’; if your doctrine is wrong, your life will be wrong” (p. 23; italics added).

However, whenever Lloyd-Jones takes up the importance of doctrine, he always points out that there is a danger on the other extreme. He speaks of some Christians and says, “There is nothing they delight in more than arguing about theology” and they do this in “a party spirit” (p. 24). One of the signs of this group is that they are either dry and theoretical in their preaching, or they can be caustic and angry. They have “lost their tempers, forgetting that by so doing they were denying the very doctrine which they claimed to believe” (p. 24). In short, ministers who go to this extreme destroy the effectiveness of their preaching. What is the cause of this? Lloyd-Jones answers that they have made accurate doctrine an end in itself, instead of a means to honor God and grow in Christ-likeness. “Doctrine must never be considered in and of itself. Scripture must never be divorced from life” (p. 25).

If we maintain this balance, we will get criticism. In another sermon, Lloyd-Jones makes a rare observation about his own reputation. He was considered by the mainstream British listener to be highly doctrinal and orthodox, but many in more conservative churches felt he put too much emphasis on human experience. He responded:

It seems to me that we have a right to be fairly happy about ourselves as long as we have criticism from both sides… For myself, as long as I am charged by certain people with being nothing but a Pentecostalist and on the other hand charged by others with being an intellectual, a man who is always preaching doctrine, as long as the two criticisms come, I am very happy. But if one or the other of the two criticisms should ever cease, then, I say, is the time to be careful and to begin to examine the very foundations (From “Test the Spirits” in The Love of God: Studies in 1 John, Crossway, 1993, p. 18).

Dr. Lloyd-Jones was very far-sighted. This insight and balance has never been needed more than it is today.

2010-06-21T21:25:00.002+07:00

Today, I just want to say that I love Jesus very much. Its not the best of days, neither the worst, but the shape of my days is inconsequential. I just want to love Him more because He first loved me.

Thankful

2010-05-31T19:33:00.005+07:00

I'm thankful to God for:

1) The buses come every morning without fail and whizz me to my workplace in under 20 minutes.

2) The security guards at the building who ensure we civil servants get to work in a safe environment. They are the straightest looking, most menacing 60 year olds ever.

3)The cleaners who clean the toilets outside our office, because those toilets are seriously clean and the wonders they do to our morale.

4) The Aunty who clears my rubbish bin beside my table. She does it with a smile.

5) The colleagues, who top up the refreshment area with plenty of good food, knowing that some of us did not take breakfast.

6) My Boss, who always has a joke - despite it being good or bad

7)My Favourite Fish Soup stall Aunty who serves me the hot bowl of fish porridge despite the long queues at her stall. She's got curly hair and she's teochew like my grandmother.

8) The work that I get to do. its not exactly fun but at least I have a meaningful job

9) For my books beside me when I get home. I will treasure all of you indeed.

10)For my family who take care of me despite my late hours and early mornings.

And always to God who saved me in Christ. Who gave me every breath and taught me the meaning of real joy.

Resolutions

2010-05-24T01:48:00.002+07:00

Resolved to be unoriginal in the preaching of the Gospel

Resolved to gladly embrace ordinariness in ministry and to practice patience and faithfulness

Resolved to daily remember my sinfulness in the light of His grace.

Warding off Moralism

2010-05-18T23:02:00.002+07:00

Ask me today, what my church and the host of methodist churches suffer from most? its this: Moralism.

I do not differentiate between the churches that are more passionate, less passionate, more "in tune with the Spirit" or less "in tune". Its the same problem, Moralistic preaching. Many take apart the Word of God and strip the gospel out. We are prone to hearing sermons on holiness, passion, generosity but we rarely hear about what Christ is like and why His work is the supreme delight of our souls. Rare are the indicatives and many are the imperatives.

So many people are forcing themselves to be passionate without Christ! So many do not treasure the all saving wondrous work on the cross. There is so much talk of group dynamics, worship, inner healings, miracle services and even "condition of your heart" sort of talk but no Christ. People grow up thinking it is entirely up to them to sustain their walk in Christ. There is little awareness of what He has done and is doing! what a tragedy.

Ponder again with me. Christ came and lived a perfect life. And He imparted that to us through His death. He had no sin. He was loving and kind and firm and holy. He is God. And only He could pay the price for sin. And not only that, only He could give us a brand new heart and grace to inherit this sinless position. And to do that, He had to pay the price - the justice of God that was meant for us. This He took upon Himself and with that He rose again on the 3rd day.

So can Christians be Holy... yes! in the grace and through the saving work of Christ.

So why am I writing this. It dawned upon me that many of my seniors and juniors are slowly parting ways with the Christian faith. I've contemplated this issue alot. I've traced it back to the doctrines they'd heard in their youth. They were told to be Holy because God is Holy. And they tried but they failed. And the Christ they knew was demanding but offered no grace. Their teachers assumed they understood the cross but really when they hear the cross mentioned in a cursory way, they felt nothing. Their teachers did not celebrate the cross, nor built their teaching on it. They assumed too much.

And today, this generation of people will hear nothing of Christ because they thought they once knew Him. They thought they'd felt Him in worship, but they hadn't. They were cheated into thinking of Christ simply as a moral task master.

Friends, especially those who teach. Guard your teaching with fervency! Refrain from moralism. If you do no more than impart feelings and provide "to-do lists" you're in danger of creating an army of children who neither know grace nor mercy, who lumber about the church in despondency and experience no victory until they realise He was not like that. His burden is actually light.

2010-05-18T22:10:00.000+07:00

2010-05-14T22:45:00.004+07:00

I was looking forward to my first trip overseas whilst on the job. And at first it was a trip back to Oxford in the September. My favourite season and that ancient university where memories remain fond. Just today, I was told I might be on route to America instead. Never been very fond of that country though I like to read up on its history. Life throws up its surprises and we are not controllers of our destinies.

I have 3 files of Abraham Lincoln's writings and my favourite is the one he scribbled on a note, not expecting it to be read. In it, whilst in the midst of the civil war, he wondered where God stood in all the conflict. Did God take sides in this battle? Perhaps, and rather, in the entire conflict, there was something inexorable, not fatalistic but moving to its conclusion. Something mankind cannot fathom nor can it realise, but that it is nothing more than part of the reason why it is inevitable. The moves of time and space are beyond human hands, and we can only ready our hearts for what is to come.

The expression of powerlessness of an American President, one ranked by historians and the public alike as probably the greatest president in American history is breath-taking. We are too proud to admit that there is no self made success. We tell our stories as one of great men taking the helm of the ship and sailing through rough seas. But history at its best tells the story of accidents or unexpected moments.

Perhaps it is why I'd grown tired of some people telling me stories of how they did it. It always seems like they knew what to do. And perhaps I'd grown fond of Abraham Lincoln. Hardworking, a keen reader, but above all, sure of humanity's great great limitations.

Were we not made for You, O Lord? For Your Son....

2010-05-04T21:42:00.007+07:00

Recently, I've had to share the importance of teaching the Word with a few BB officers. And watching them grow in Christ has been one of my joys. God gave the growth, I had the joy of observing and I thank God for the front row seats.

In these sessions, I've had to be reflective of my ministry in the Word and to face up to my failings as a person as well as celebrate God's work. The entire process is humbling and what will I do without Christ?

There are 3 things I wish to write to myself and to all who are in the ministry of the Word. They are as follows:

1) Preach the Truth, centered around the gospel

For the vast majority of leaders in the Singaporean church, we've lost our biblical bearings. When we do not preach Christ we become obsess with form. Similarly, there are many who preach Christ but do not make it accessible. A cheap gospel that many people understand is fought off with an inaccessible gospel. Yet Paul says

And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified (I Cor 2:1-2)

Paul's dogma is simple: Christ. There is no colouring of wordly wisdom in his doctrine. Some in the church need to get back to this simple dogma. Others need to understand again the simplicity of preaching it because Christ is not boring. We need the wisdom to preach Christ in an accessible yet uncompromising way.

Haha.... and Boy are we helpless unless He helps us! But I'm sure He will do so for His church's sake. He really loves His church that much.

2) Yet many teachers, few fathers

And to that minority that do preach Christ in Singapore, so often its alot of information giving without a real concern for forming the souls of the listeners. What does Paul say then?

For though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers. For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel. (1Cor 4:15)

What does Paul mean? Here are some thoughts. A father is 1) attuned patiently to his children. He knows how to tell truths to his 5 year old son and then repackage it when he is 25. yet the truths remain unchanged. He is 2) willing to walk the distance over a long span of time. We have too many budding itinerant preachers and few longsuffering cell leaders. 3) He is willing to sacrifice everything for the child to be in love with Christ. There is no fortune greater than seeing his kids adore Christ.

3) Teachers must have worthy lives

John Owen said that immorality precedes departure from the faith. And thus how much more we who teach? Shall we not then endeavour to live worthy lives? Shall we not redeem the evil times with a real grateful discipline? Paul says that righteousness is not earned yet godliness is trained though disciplining ourselves into obedience (1Tim4:6-10). God has given us grace for salvation and grace for disciplining ourselves unto Godliness.

In BB ministry, I've seen how officers had a disproportionate impact on their kids. The kids pick up many many things from the way officers conduct their lives. If teachers will endeavour to live God-centered, sober and wise lives, what fruit we will bare in the lives of our little ones - these whom God gave to us, to love, cherish and teach Jesus? What amazing possibilities!

2010-04-26T21:48:00.002+07:00

Today, I finished my work and packed my laptop. In a short time, I've been transformed into the everyday office man. Waking up at 7pm to catch the 8 o clock, before plunging into paperwork until the lights outside dim. Feeling the texture of the laptop bag, i've come to see how work has changed me. You begin to feel a heightened sense of responsibility to one's family. You feel like you need to work abit harder each day so that your family can be happy. Work makes men feel like a Man. Since the very beginning, Work was a primary means by which Men were made to worship God.

And then we were cursed. Work became hard and we became idle and prone to laziness. And all the work we did, was for the wrong reasons. Worst, we were incapable of doing anything worthwhile because we did it for ourselves. And we could not be free from ourselves.

But Jesus changed all that. His work was perfect and He was Man enough. And packing up my table in the evening with that in mind makes me humbled that in Him, we can try to be truly manly.

Come thou fount....

2010-04-18T23:21:00.001+07:00

This is pure brilliance.... absolutely fantastic

Or Riots

2010-04-07T22:39:00.005+07:00

In 2005, I set off with a team of Singaporeans to climb a 6000m mountain in Ecuador. I've told my mountain climbing stories to death, but it dawned upon me that despite my obsession with politics and my deep seated passion for history, something happened during my time in Quito (capital of Ecuador) that I hadn't bothered much about.

In April 2005, I was housed in a youth hostel, having finished the arduous and rather dangerous expedition. We were now preparing to go to the Galapagos, which wasn't much of an interest to me since i'd only heard of some huge tortoise huddled in one of those islands. Those who know me well, know that I like animals, but I don't like Zoos. There is nothing more aggravating than paying money to watch animals sleep. Anyhow, another Singaporean from London flew in all the way to Ecuador to join us, rather cheerfully missing the mountains but just in time to see the tortoise. He had his eyes on one of the girls in my expedition team and being my usual, high pants and very conservative self, I frowned. :P

The funny thing was that he had flown into Quito just in time for a growing political crisis that was plaguing the entire capital city. Problem was, the entire upheaval eluded me. This very love struck chap went all the way to tour the city center and returned with white powder all over his hair, teary eyed (because of the tear gas) and a box of doughnuts to share with us. Of course he had his eye on that one girl and I stared at him with squinted eyes. Having seen riots at the city center and platoons of policemen chasing down the stone throwing protesters myself, my mind was entranced with tortoises, doughnuts and the book I was reading.

There I was gobbling up "Peace-makers" by Magarat Macmillian (a very good book indeed!) and there, right in my face, a president was being thrown out of power. Thing is, I have had the odd luxury of seeing big protests, much of it by accident. In June 2004, I was in Hongkong when 530,000 people took to the streets on a hot day and I got miffed because I couldn't catch a cab back to my hotel. A huge Iraq War protest was taking place at trafalgar and guess what, I was waiting for a bus and none came. I could also add my dresden experience and the time the very militant Oxford Student's Union took over the lecture halls and saved me a lesson :P

Yet in it all, it does make me wonder why while I read about political turmoil in one country, most people in that country are just going about their daily lives as if there was a disconnect with the news. Or rather, why being a historian and a political junkie, I wasn't glowing with passionate concern. I would like to think of myself as fearless with a trained "civil servant's" dispassionate attitude towards political change but I suspect the answer is alot deeper.

Perhaps what dominated my history books never did dominate the psyche of the everyday man. Perhaps the cerebral paled in significance to the instinctive desires of love, hunger, friendships and laughter. Perhaps, having read through the scrolls of historical data, one began to tire of another line and footnote that was happening now. Perhaps, we become careful of immediate political happenings, yet remain chained to our human desires. Perhaps at the end of the day, the important, memorable things, the things that really take our breaths away, are in the small, happy moments that few remember and yet to these few very happy people, these moments are unforgettable.

A letter to the Primers

2010-04-05T22:11:00.002+07:00

Dear Friends,

4 years ago, when we first started the Primers program, I told Nick that we should be expecting nothing more than 20 primers and I also added (it's embarrassing to think about it) that we shouldn't be expecting any female primers. By the end of June 2007, we had a total of 38 of which 8 were female. Today, in 2010, your cute and adorable juniors have become a Primer troop of 60 and still girls join BB (one of them being Leonard Ding's sister). For an older man like me, who used to be part of a 6 man strong senior force (Seniors program was the ancestor of the Primers program), these numbers are crazy. I can only feel for the younger BB officers and give thanks to God for working out His plans according to His desires and not what one expects.

When I first left you, I was about to re-enter the army and all of you know how fun the army can be :P (kidding). Nicholas was in his 3rd year of university. Oliver and Zhiguang had just ORDed and Marc was into his 2nd year of medicine. Today, I am working in the civil service, Nick is working in his family business, Marc about to become a doctor in 1 year, and Oliver and Zhiguang finishing up their 2nd year of university. Many of you are about to ORD and the girls are about to finish one year of university. All of us are now fatter and only Marc is attached. Time has carried us by, hasn't it?

In these 2 years, a very good friend of mine passed away. At the corner of his bed, about a week before he went back home, I read Romans 5 with him. In his face mask, he cried, though he could no longer speak in reply. All this time, he had been such a stoic and strong man and it was with a pained joy that I read the passage to him. For years we had played table tennis together, he cooked for me when I first arrive in UK and we were from the same church in Singapore. Death is impartial, it doesn't care if you're an overseas graduate, an officer, an investment banker, a beggar, a brother, a whatever. When it swoops down to claim someone, it does so without emotion.

Yet if you read Romans 5 carefully,

"Therefore, Since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ."

There is only one thing that matters in our whole lives - Peace with God. And it is given as a gift and received by a life-changing belief in God's Son, who laid down His life for us and is now alive and glorified beyond our imagination. He who is Holy, is oddly, in love with us :)

At the end of the day, after 2 years since the day I last stepped out of BB, still this one glorifying truth is all that I wish to impart to all of you. It is the most loving truth in the whole galaxy. It revolutionises everything. It puts to death cowardice and materialism, makes us secure in love, banishes pride and embraces even the beggars as if they were kings. Most importantly, we become worshippers of a Living God and not a dying human race. At the end of 4 years of knowing you, this is still the matter of first importance and I say it in as loving a manner as possible. Nothing else compares even by a million miles.

May you always remember from whence you came so that you may know where you will go.

Yours in Christ
Charles Ng

Why I love John Piper

2010-03-29T13:37:00.002+07:00

Because this man can write about this

http://ow.ly/1rM37

Will pray for you and your family :)

Little thoughts

2010-03-25T09:17:00.005+07:00

Currently I'm in a little small group in church doing "Roots and Wings" by Edmund Chan and despite having some concerns about how some verses are being used to stress certain points, for the large part, I've been blessed by it immensely. My group facilitator, Uncle Chris is quite a gem. Also, I am thankful for a night class with TTC at St Andrews Cathedral, every Wednesday at 730pm on the Atonement. If you're in Singapore, you should join the course! The doctrines of salvation (Christian Soteriology)have a special place in my heart because it forces me to surrender more of my pride and boast in the saving work of Jesus Christ. It was through Him that I knew love and for Him I have been granted grace to live my everyday.

Yet in the light of two above activities that God has graciously allowed me to be a part of, I wish again to stress how they are prominently secondary. The communal Christian fellowship is an expression of the personal Christian walk. Through mistakes and sufficient error on my part, and by the blatant intervention of Christ's love into my life, I am contented to say that Christianity bids one into a personal relationship with God. The church is a collection of people who have a personal love-life with Christ. Thus, the question every Small Group Leader and every whatever leader in the church has to ask himself and his members is whether they've ever gotten personal with the Lord, Alone.

There is no escaping this: A personal relationship with God demands time alone with Him. Christ purposefully meets Jacob alone to wrestle with him and then converts him. God called Samuel in the aloneness of the night and requisites his service . The Almighty King steered Elijah to the mountain to comfort him with His still small voice. Jesus Himself, takes time to wake up really early, climb a mountain and pray to the Father for hours. This, as I've discovered is the difference between knowing about doctrine and knowing about doctrine as if one's life depended on it. In prayer and personal communion with Jesus, knowledge transcends into conviction.

So after people who were pretty into Christian ministry in university leave varsity and then fall away quickly, I wonder if it was because they had built their altars on a community rather than in the quiet with Christ. In ministry, fellowship has that danger of becoming an idol. In the Christian walk, faith has the danger of becoming nothing more than raw emotional passion. But look here! fellowship is the expression of knowing God's love, and faith is more than just emotional expression, it is the transformative belief in the saving and overcoming work of Christ in us, the hope of Glory. In a sustained disciplined way, personal time with Christ, can and will change lives forever.

2010-03-15T22:17:00.002+07:00

I am a historian by passion. By passion I mean that when I enter the bookshops, I zoom straight in for the history books. Years of study only made me love reading it more and despite having to put up with the very Singaporean "Are you going to be a teacher?" for years, I've only grown fonder of the discipline. One of the parts of history that I am particularly pleased with is the lack of jargon.

When you have so little jargon in the discipline, the historian's deft at analysis is the only tool he has to convince his audience. He cannot like the philosopher say "oh but this is Kantian (precisely because Kant is so hard to read, he is sure of having few if not none in the audience who understands him)" and then hope no one in the audience points out his flaws. The historian, when mistaken is left to bare the brunt of it.

Furthermore, he cannot like so many theologians I know, accumulate jargon to show-off. Some theologians repeatedly use jargon with impunity and the only cumulative effect of this is to show just how smart he is. This is at the expense of the audience who really have no idea what he was talking about, leaving with the impression that they've just been smarted.

Lastly, without Jargon, the historian is free to write beautifully. Hugh Trevor Roper, the Cambridge historian, created a whole school of thought, not as other schools in other subjects where they develop their own jargon and exclusive systems, but a school of thought that emphasized beauty in the writing of history. the historian must communicate some semblance of poetry in his narrative and give the reader a sense of communicating with the subliminal.

And thus as one who gives bible studies once in a while, because God gave me the passion for the past, I've learnt the importance of clarity - minimum jargon if necessary, but to define it clearly if used. More so, I've discovered the significance of observing beauty in Christ and trying though often failing to communicate it.

On repentance

2010-03-10T01:05:00.000+07:00

this video is crucial. please watch

2010-03-07T16:00:00.001+07:00

I wish every bible study leader, every preacher of every kind who takes the bible seriously will listen to John Piper on this

Why counterfeit Grace and Holiness do not measure up

2010-03-06T00:06:00.006+07:00

There can be no true Christian Discipline without the Grace of God. Remember that! Neither is grace evident without the evidence of true self control. Discipline in the Christian sense is self control- the power over one's words, passions, time. Yet this control is lived in constantly, faithfully submitting them all to God daily.

Herein why I've come to reject two hypothesis that have had root in our Christian context. The first advocates grace without evidential holiness. It marvels at Christ but diminishes the transformative power of His cross. This power (that is missing in this hypothesis) joyfully exacts everything from a man, jolts Him into a new sensibility and the result is a holy, unworldly, love-ridden human being. There is no sensuality in this holy grace, in fact it is so other worldly the world understands it scarcely.

The second proposition places the survival of a Christian on his ability to discipline himself. While at once there is merit to it, it diminishes Christ as the object of faith in the process of sanctification. It elevates human effort subtly as the essence of Christian perseverance.

And see the similarities between both polarities. Both diminish Christ. Both grow from the same roots of self-obsession. One gives licence to sin, the other gives licence for self righteousness. Both teach grace as insufficient - One teaches a powerless grace, the other accepts that grace is insufficient and must be tempered with human effort. Both know too little of grace. One tells you to gawk at Christ without the need for imitation, the other commands one to imitate Christ but sees Him as only the aim but not the means.

So my dear friends, what then is the grace which is precious beyond comprehension? Jesus Christ is grace. As God is love, so Christ is the very grace of God. When we have Him, He empowers us to be like Himself and He does not fail. Its just that it needs time, but we get there on time :) And we get there through Him, in Him and FOR HIM. For it is no longer I who liveth, BUT (and what a great But this is), Christ that liveth in me.

2010-02-27T23:10:00.004+07:00

"We give thanks to God always for you all, making mention of you in our prayers, remembering without ceasing your work of faith, labour of love and patience of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ in the sight of God and father, knowing beloved brethren your election by God."

1Thess 1:2-4

For what is our hope, or joy, or crown of rejoicing? Is it not even you in the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ at His coming? For you are our glory and joy

1Thess 2:19-20

What I loved most about my time in the BB ministry, in the prayer group ministry in ACS I, during the Christian Union Days in Oxford, was this, watching people grow in Christ and knowing that one day before God above, I will have the joy to share in their joy in Christ. At the end of the day, all of ministry's joys is in seeing people around us know Christ more. For example, watching my BB Boys grow in Jesus, gives me more satisfaction than all the money in the world combined and multiplied. Whether they're President's men, great organisers, very disciplined in drill, to be honest, though they do matter yet in the span of eternity these are but a dime in the oceans of time. In eternity, the only thing that counts, is their relationship with Jesus.

I've long counted the big events, the manifold activities, and the structural, strategic concerns as important but still a side dish. They were interesting, worthwhile but they were never really the real show. The real stuff was in the bible studies, the prayer meetings, the home visits, the tea sessions, the one to ones, the comforting, the rejoicing together with and the crying together with. The real stuff was in imparting a "FELT CHRIST" and in teaching a right theology with love. No one does it perfectly, but when we do it in Christ and for Christ, He always gives reason for great thanksgiving.

Birthday verse

2010-02-24T20:15:00.003+07:00

While doing my QT, the Lord gave me the bible verse for my birthday (from my quiet time package) and it came to me with much feeling.

"Then He said to them all, "If anyone desires to follow Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it and whoever loses his life for My sake will save it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world but is himself destroyed or lost? For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words, of him the Son of Man will be ashamed when He comes in His own glory and in His Father's and of the holy angels."

Luke 9:23-26

daily daily daily....

Ice Skating

2010-02-20T00:58:00.006+07:00

I've never been ice skating and today was a first. People who play table tennis with me, know that I'm big on controlling the ball. Similarly, its a challenge when one has to let momentum take over, to glide gently over the ice, with lesser control than what one is used to. All the time I stared at my feet, working on my footwork as little kids zoom artlessly across and spin on the huge piece of ice beneath. Finally, as I let go of the ledge, and pushed myself forward, a few seconds passed as I enjoyed my clumsy glide across the ice.

It hit me that when I learnt to look up, the experience became so much better, that when I allowed myself less concern with falling and more with enjoying the ride, skating was much more fun. When the embarrassment mattered less and we are less bothered by the stares, we learn to laugh at ourselves, enjoy the clumsy, amateurish moments and discover a zest for living. Life is sometimes about falling down well. What I do mean is that if the very best skaters didn't risk falling down, they'll always remain as amateurs. And if we were only concern about making less mistakes in life, we would never progress on. But I am not asking people to sin, I am calling for my brothers and sisters to pursue Christ with a radical courage. To realise that when we boldly pursue Him, we take risky steps that the world cannot fathom and sometimes when He lets us fall, it all ultimately is for our joy.

See, life is not about the accumulation of accolades, it is about delightful and life consuming worship because our God is a joyous God. And may I inform you of how risky it is to be joyous in Him. How much courage it takes to plunge into His love and end up loving sinful people who will hurt you at many turns. Could I also gently place my hand on your shoulder and remind you, that when the clock ticks its last for you my Christian friend, this zest for loving courageously, proclaiming fearlessly, staring at Him rather than our clumsy feet will be our great joy! For when He has used weak people like us to do impossible things, we can only be humbled in joy... that is the zest for life every Christian needs.

All my life in Christ, if you ask me today, where I have found greatest joy (other than the time when He saved me), it has always been when He has led me to overcome obstacles with Him. When in timidity and laxity, there has been nothing but fear, sadness and emptiness. Christians, hear this! We are best when we are boldest, best when we are in love with Christ.

2010-02-16T20:44:00.002+07:00

When Judson, the first Baptist American Missionary first fell in love, he wrote to his wife to be and asked for permission to woo her. She asked that he asked her father first. In his very prompt letter, he thus penned

I have now to ask, whether you can consent to part with your daughter early next spring, to see her no more in this world; whether you can consent to her departure, and her subjection to the hardships and sufferings of a missionary life; whether you can consent to her exposure to the dangers of the ocean; to the fatal influence of the southern climate of India; to every kind of want and distress; to degradation, insult, persecution, and perhaps a violent death. Can you consent to all this, for the sake of him who left his heavenly home, and died for her and for you; for the sake of perishing, immortal souls; for the sake of Zion, and the glory of God? Can you consent to all this, in hope of soon meeting your daughter in the world of glory, with the crown of righteousness, brightened with the acclamations of praise which shall redound to her Saviour from heathens saved, through her means, from eternal woe and despair. (Quoted in Courtney Anderson, To The Golden Shore: The Life of Adoniram Judson [Valley Forge: Judson Press, 1987], 83.)

And the father gave Ann the choice, to which she accepted Judson's proposal. Later on she would write her friend

I feel willing, and expect, if nothing in providence prevents, to spend my days in this world in heathen lands. Yes, Lydia, I have about come to the determination to give up all my comforts and enjoyments here, sacrifice my affection to relatives and friends, and go where God, in his providence, shall see fit to place me. (Quoted in Anderson, To the Golden Shore, 84.)

She must have been one of the most beautiful ladies in whole of Christiandom at that time. God be willing to send someone of this calibre into my circle!

The Spectre of a Red Power

2010-02-15T22:33:00.009+07:00

For a really long time, I've put alot of thought into what an increasingly assertive China meant in the context of a global contest of political ideologies. Very naturally, everyone has thought about this, but I've always been rather reserved in sharing my views simply because I loathe intellectual fads and I always thought more observing should be done.

And I still wish to observe much longer. But for the purposes of my memory, I'll type a few short notes.

1) The Chinese government's primal aim is the maintenance of stability. This means that security, both internal and external, with their stated bottom lines are central to comprehending their behaviour. Prosperity is the source of legitimacy for the communist party. Power structures are fluid though bureaucracy is monolithic and inflexible, for in China, personalities are everything and power is not a function of position but rather is closely related to intimacy with influential people.

2) China's internal challenges and historical baggage has configured its foreign policy into one that is realist, inward looking and suspicious of any foreign interference. Its need to create 20 million jobs a year, sustain economic growth of 8-10 percent each year, support its huge energy needs means that it prize economic benefit above ideological supremacy. It will care less of Iran's nukes than Iran's oil, it will eye Burma's gold and copper rather than its horrendous human rights record and it will rarely seek to create governments in its own image like the USA so much as spawn traditional tributary states.

3) The capitalism of the USA is ironically the single most crucial factor in the rise of China and will be the very factor that will balance US' power. The very ideology that gave USA the victory over USSR, will be the very system that will create a global power in the form of China. We need to abandon the veneer of universalism and admit that the world will move into a contest with multiple power centers. There will be two large powers, with many influential nations in this contest. This contest will alternate between cooperation and conflict and will determine much of this century. There will be shared economic beliefs but political differences will rise to the fore. He who secures most of the power centers will establish dominance.

4) In that light, traditional concepts of the inexorable rise of China are foolishly misleading. This is not the rise of Asia, with China in the lead. This is the re-ordering of global power centers with the triumph of capitalism. The world is shifting back into a balance, with geo-political concerns taking center stage again. War on terrorism and the like will fade into history as an intermittent distraction which dominated attention because the political pieces that were thrown into flux in 1991 were yet to settle. When they settle, a new geopolitical picture will form and take center-stage.

5) This is also because, with the nuclearisation of the world and the very nature of USA's ideals, it was never really able to capitalise on its ideological victory in 1991 with military conquest. With that the world naturally re-ordered and re-balanced itself to create a counterweight to the existing superpower. The USA has created a capitalistic society but it has not successfully impose its ideological values on it.

6) We must be less concern with individual states like China and USA alone and be obsessed with the interactions between power centers. Whether they are in Moscow, Brasilia, Tokyo, Delhi, London ... etc their interactions will determine the shape of things to come. Traditionally, large powers tend to find a workable equilibrium, but historically, some 2nd grade power always sparks conflict that draws everyone in.

7) Contrary to what many see, the 21st century is potentially a far more dangerous century than the 20th century. Global politics will not be characterised by a stable two groupings conflict but rather will switch and move along the lines of interests. Fundamentalism will remain a threat but it will diminish with time and legal structures will be challenged and de-legitimised as time progresses. We did not envisage the precariousness of our position at the end of the 20th century but 10 years into the dawn of this century, we should ready ourselves.

2010-02-08T19:37:00.004+07:00

The self centered man will always pray

"Lord take this trial away from me" and then stop there.

He might indeed say

"I will be a better person if you take me out of the fire,"

But this presumes that man can negotiate with God on man's terms, as if God should be blackmailed.

The Christian man will say

"Lord, let this trial not end, until You have had all the glory You deserve out of me."

Here the Christian treasures God's glory far more than the pain and smear on his flesh.

2010-02-07T15:31:00.003+07:00

When I was an instructor, I used to have to usher young enlistees to the parade square, where they will march away from their parents. And during this parting, parents and sons will say their goodbyes before separating for a maximum duration of 2 weeks and some days at most.

Darting my eyes across the whole vast crowd, I could see the vast range of responses parents had to their sons leaving. A mother teasing her son as he smiles rather bravely at her ... I think she is reminding him to pack his bed when he comes home. At another corner, a grandmother locks her arms around her grandson's as he walks slowly to the open square... I reckon she has seen many partings and doesn't like them. A potty father with a time worn face plucks out his handkerchief and wipes his tears as the son looks helplessly on. I suppose he has never seen his father cry.

Peering into these little snippets of love, I am always reminded how parting expresses love. How the little shows of love in our mundane everyday lives, eventually culminate into something far larger than ourselves. The little chats, the mealtimes, the jokes, the notes written, the songs sung together, and maybe even the tiffs all add up into something far deeper.

And in parting and reunion, we sense the yearning, the deep pangs of waiting in expectation and the joy derived from communion. And I think we can find this all over the bible. In Jeremiah 2, God asks His people what He had done, such that they should turn from Him? such that they should cease to wonder where He is... In the NT, the prodigal son deliberately parts from his father for the sake of pitiful pleasure seeking ways. And thereafter we are faced with an almighty God, who so powerfully runs the universe and still gazes from the heights, waiting for His son to return. God, our Lord and King feels for, yearns for His children.

Then, very touchingly, God runs towards His son. Think of what it costs Him to do so. The Father God sacrifices His most loved Son, to bridge this distance.How then can we ever belittle so miraculous a moment? Or to think less of a parent's love, especially the Father God's. And how can we ever dream of parting from Him? How should we ever live without this Love?

2010-02-03T22:16:00.004+07:00

It has been a busy week. I am actually feeling tired :P but the truth is, I feel pretty alive when I get stuff to do and I get to think. So I thank God that I can feel tired, that He has work for my weak hands to do. I'm at the stage in my life where I wish all my friends will just stop getting married. Yes, if you're planning to get married, STOP... :P Too many already. Unless you promise to allow me to play with the kids...

Closer to my heart, I want to climb a mountain. In fact, I'm eyeing Kinabalu and I know its all easy, but its still a climb. Between the ocean and the mountains, the latter holds far more charm for me. It demands focus, it draws sweat and one senses the cold crisp air sharpens as one scales higher. Nature softens the heart but strengthens the body and mind.

Just today, I emerged from Alexander Hospital and whilst leaving the front entrance, a gust of wind shook the branches. For a minute, the yellow leaves descended like petals from the sky, and I thought of snow; as if snow were yellow, as if petals could float by. I stood in the middle of the road, wishing that perhaps time had paused, and for a moment it appeared to stutter to a halt. C S Lewis would say that I had been surprised by joy and when it ended, I was entranced with a yearning for that feeling. The incoming cars ended the moment abruptly and the wind ceased to blow. Life carried on and I was back alone, alive and wishing I could savour it one more time.

Bus stop

2010-01-27T20:04:00.002+07:00

Hey Jenny

Hi Charlie

You're waiting alone?

No, not alone, not when you're sitting here... (chuckles)

Ah... haha... quite right there. (A grin) But what are you waiting for Jenny?

the bus.

the bus? which one Jenny?

Hmmmm, I cannot remember the number, but i can recognise the bus and it's the only bus that'll take me home (with head turned to the right and eyes peering into the distance).

Yeah? (head cocked to the left and eye brows raised) and what will you do when you get home?

mmm... well, I'll clean the house, talk to my siblings and maybe go downstairs and get some groceries.

I see, Jenny, you miss home?

(there is no reply, Jenny stares away into the distance)

Charlie stands up and walks down the corridor and speaks to the nurse, draped in clinical white. At the other end of the corridor sits Jenny on a garden bench with a raised rusted pole beside. On its lifted end is an old bus stop sign tied to it with thin mesh wires.

She sits there everyday?

mmhmmm, everyday. But she leaves the bench for her meals when we call her. After that, she'll sit on the bench again.

I see, well does anyone visit her then? Her siblings by any chance?

Not for a very long time. Not many people get visitors in this place.

I see. thanks. (looks at Jenny and shakes his head)

Why does Jenny wait? What does Jenny wait for? the bus? family? the memory of a time spent with loved ones, or simply the very morbid thought of leaving this earth. When much is lost, what is worth the wait? What will our bus numbers be? If we cannot answer these questions, will we miss the bus and spend our whole lives waiting underneath a makeshift sign, with no roads beside, no buses to come by and only the ticking clock to carry our fragile bodies along the journey of regret.

2010-01-26T20:48:00.002+07:00

There are many words in the english language but there are many situations and feelings that simply do not have words to describe them. They are the un-sayable matters of our lives and remain the domain of poets. Likewise, many situations and feelings exist because words have been found to make people feel them. They are the result of poetry.

Never doubt for a moment the power of words, find with a fiery fervour the words to describe life.

2010-01-23T21:56:00.005+07:00

A quiet greets me this evening, as the darkened far flung stars glimmer in worship. My heart bows in loving compulsion and it can no longer hide its yearnings for its Maker. All night, nature worships. All day, the heavenly beings are roused in divine delight - their lips revel in adoring the name of God. Whether in silent adoration or in emphatic praise, the subject of affection is the same. It is Jesus...

And here my greatest struggle resides, for I have found no word, no phrase sufficient. It is both equally perplexing and comforting that under so great a God we serve. I wish to praise Him sufficiently, but if I could, He would not be God. I wish to know Him fully, but if I did, He would be finite. He is the invisible, eternal King, who desires to be known and yet cannot be known fully by mortal beings.

Or perhaps, my mortal mind cannot even conceive of His intentions. That the perplexities of knowing an eternal transcendental Being so baffles me that I am left in quiet. When I was young, I was sure about many things of God, yet as age catches up, I find that what dominates my thoughts is not the things I am sure of but ignorance at the experiential depths of each of the truths I know. I want to know the truths I know with a living burning passion. I am sure that Christ is the Saviour but I fear, this truth is far deeper, more real than I actually know it to be.

God give mercy, that your child may praise you extravagantly, not in words alone but in the realness of communion.

Brace yourself

2010-01-20T20:32:00.003+07:00

On a fateful day, before my trusted Dentist, I was led to the dreaded chair. There I laid with my mouth wide open, staring into the sad white ceiling, as the torturer inflicted upon me the painful treatments that I had foolishly paid for. There lodged in my mouth thereafter, was the reason why I'd been staring at steak rather pitifully the past one week, the metal cage they call BRACES.

When it was all done, I tried to smile at the nurses at Alexander Hospital but I could only muster gleaming the upper half of my teeth, now laced with blue linings. Crest fallen, I sat down and thought, "well at least it'll all end someday, " and smiled in my heart (because I couldn't smile physically). But for so many people in Haiti, it never seems to end. What they go through, is the pain and agony, a city boy like myself will not understand. But if you would let me, I would like to reach out a hand, grab the hand of a human being and hold it real tight. I want to empathise, just like how I would like people to empathise with my braces (I've been talking to people with braces so much more these days). I want to give them a real human hug and tell them that Jesus is there, with the weak child gasping for air in the rabble below, He is there with the mother who has lost her sweet infant child and He, above all else, knows the pain.

When life is in the throes of pain and loss, brace yourself for Love, brace yourself because grace has found a way into the hearts of man and when it all turns dark and the hands of time drag you through the tunnels of grief, brace yourself for the awesome comfort of a sacrificial God. It will be foolish to want to clutch on to grief like so many people do, as if God were not sufficient. So brace yourself, God will draw this wretched world to its end and create a new and better one.

When I come to heaven

When I come to heaven Lord, what shall I bring?
My golden necklace, and my diamond ring?
I have some great treasures of jade, ivory, and bone,
And aren't we judged Lord, by what we own?
My important position I've climbed up so high,
There just isn't anything my money won't buy.
So tell me again Lord, just what are Your needs?
I've helped You a lot, by doing good deeds.

You've got it all wrong, My child, My dear,
All that I've wanted is having you near.
While storing your treasures, there's much you forgot.
My love and forgiveness can never be bought.
I offer it freely, just ask and receive.
But you never listened, you didn't believe.
Your works and possessions are just filthy rags.
So if you're coming to heaven, unpack your bags.
Just come as you are, it's you that I love.
The price has been paid, by the one up above.

Waiting

2010-01-17T20:59:00.003+07:00

Time stretches, the night pales not and the knees hold out not much longer. The hours become days, the days turn into weeks and the weeks into months as the expectancy turns into prolonged exasperation. Yet above, the light red clouds whisker by, hardly noticing the eager anticipation that is roused in a generation raised for a time such as this. Miles away, the nation of Haiti is rocked by disaster, hunger still greets the new born child in Sudan while the bankers of wall street lavish themselves with luxury. Closer to home, prostitution is rampant in the streets of Bangkok and destitution is still the fate of millions of orphans, widows in this vast ancient region.

And in this dark hour, what is the church's' response? Where are her young wide eyed Samuels of old, who approached a beckoning loving God with their humble "here I am"? Where is Hannah who plucked at the heart of God for a child? O God! where are they? A church in love is a church in prayer and a people willing to wait upon their Lord will receive from Him strength for renewal. For when God calls into being a work of exceeding power, He raises a people who disregard themselves and who love the Lord so deeply that the agonies of waiting matter little.

And here I do believe, that the church can take courage. For I have seen men and women who pray, who are hardly known in the Christian circuit, who hug and feed the weaning children and who have a beautiful love life with the Father. God never did abandon His bride, but fall back on His grace alone we must and wait upon Him like never before.

Resolution 2

2010-01-11T22:42:00.002+07:00

May God give me the grace to live and rejoice in the reality of the gospel everyday.

Resolution

2010-01-11T19:31:00.003+07:00

I finished giving a bible study recently and was distinctly displeased. The Word of God is life and death to the world and as such I cannot accept it being treated frivolously. I am fed up with preaching that cannot change lives and as such I have decided to

Never to preach until I have gained a Real awareness of the Awesomeness of God. Until then, let my lips be sealed.

The Value of a Man

2010-01-09T23:28:00.002+07:00

One underlying principle : A man's God is where and from whom he derives his value from

Every religion or belief system that I know of other than Christianity has a distinct characteristic and it is this: that a man's value is derived from what he or she accomplishes in this life. A man or woman's worth is thus gained through good works or actions that are in tandem with the system. Many things are sacrificed for the attainment of these goals. And the modern day man has a belief system that creates deities out of career, status and the like. We've all heard stories of people who pursue career at the expense of family, laying their children on the altar of career success, for the sake of attaining that much coveted position. And why should we be surprised? It is their god.

But Christianity begins from a completely different starting point. It states that the value of a man is dependent entirely on an extrinsic source. In this, the man is helpless. He can do nothing to gain worth, but rather worth is imputed to the man by a God who is infinitely worthwhile. The man is not only helpless, he is in a state of being, so deplorable, it is repulsive. But herein the wonder of the centuries, man is of great value, not because he can create intrinsic worth, but rather because God loves the undeserving man so much, He gave His Son.

So here's the question? what is the measure of our worth? what gives us satisfaction? the man of the world will say, it is my accomplishments. the Christian man will say, it is the love that God has given, freely to me.

2010-01-05T20:04:00.004+07:00

Clutching the rusted metal cane, the dirtied old lady rested herself on it and then leaned against the marbled walls. Raising her left hand forward, she arranges her emaciated right hand on her left elbow. The years show on her forehead and the white of 80 years crumple about the wrinkles. Her large wide eyes gape in forlorn sadness as she pushes the shame away to plead with an embarrassed passing stream of working adults. Every evening, the faces turn away uncomfortably, as they march by the dirtied wide-mouth lady, with only a few placing some coins into her bony hands.

When, O when did love last meet her? What stories had she to tell this passing crowd of men to whom ignorance was priced greater than compassion? or consider perhaps, how you would rather not hear, but rather smile politely and then brush it off as one of the many problems the world has anyway.... why?

Does it not hit you that everyday she limps back to a dingy, clustered one room flat filled with memorabilia of a failed past, a lifetime of hurts and setbacks. That into the nights, she cries herself to sleep, is far too afraid to die and thus returns each evening to beg to an unfeeling crowd. That a long time ago, a man once loved her, that not very far from where she lives, her son lives in ambivalence, that today, her friendless existence is only liven up by the social worker who comes by once every month and the future holds no more than the shame of today.

Why then, O man, will you not hold her lifted hand? can you dirty your shirt to hug her? and smile into the eyes of one who is not used to smiles? can you lay aside some of the wealth and time that God has blessed thee with ... lose yourself in her stories, feel and make her feel that she's worth a million times more than she was yesterday. For so long ago, God answered the plead of the helpless and made Himself the God of the weak and homeless, giving equal worth to the rich or weak, giving equalling love to a sick, begging planet.

Man, this is thy duty, for His love is thy love, His pain thy pain, His concerns thy concerns and where He desires thee to be, there thou shalt be with joy.

What I want this New Year

2010-01-02T23:31:00.004+07:00

All I want this New Year is to talk to You (Jesus Christ) and hear from You so so so much more. That's all I want. The rest will add up in time.

Momentary Affliction

2009-12-30T21:25:00.003+07:00

What I like about the army is what it teaches me about the Kingdom of God. The first and most important lesson is that like life on this earth, the army will end. When all is said and done and I am allowed the opportunity to look back and re-evaluate, I find joy in knowing that God's grace has always been sufficient in bringing me through the toughest times. Similarly, there is a pang of shame and sadness when I gaze back at the times I slackened off and desired for personal comfort.

Like our Christian lives on this planet, I find that ever so often it is laden with suffering, affliction and quite abit of sorrow. Yet the Christian can understand me when I say that concurrent to these feelings, one is also led to experience incredible joy and love from the Lord. The inner man is swept with a joy the outer man scarely understands! Is not the Christian an extreme creature? torn between the deepest of sorrows in seeing souls far from the Lord and yet enveloped in the most heavenly of joys for he is embraced quite so often by the Lord of all Love.

Yet whenever I turn from the Lord and desire my own way, I have found much comfort awaiting me in this earth, but you would not be aghast to note how in the midst of all these comforts, I have found much emptiness.

For one day when the world is finally finished off in fiery fanfare, I will like many reflect upon my life that is past. I do pray that when that day comes, I will not be saddened by the natural man's yearning for comfort. If it should be, let it be like Paul's, disciplining the desires of the mortal flesh for the hope of the eternity to come is far sweeter than all the comforts of this world. Thus what makes ORD precious is not so much because I am given back "freedom", far from it! It is precious only if I can look back in the full assurance that every moment of the past 2 and a half years were spent well in the sight of the Lord(not skiving, slacking but actually doing my best through Him).

May it never be, O Lord, whether in the army or this life, that I should serve myself and my wants, but rather to serve You with humility. And as You have graciously taught and have so amply provided My King, that suffering will come upon those who love you, may You find me worthy in Your grace, to share in this divine portion and look forward to Your coming with yearnings worthy of You.

And so they wed

2009-12-29T14:02:00.003+07:00

It has been 6 years and finally I get to see Cherlyn and Jamin walk down the isle together. Both in dashing white, they finished two days of ceremonies, dinners, lunches and what nots. Before Jamin marched in, we prayed a short prayer together. Smiling at each other, I knew, deep in my heart that God had brought them together and that everything would be fine. Having known them at the youthful age of 19, watching them get attach during the pre-departure course and then being in University together made this wedding one that I actually wanted to go for.

It was deeply meaningful for me because I knew that at the end of these 6 years, both of my friends grew in the Lord, alot. Having watched so many relationships bring people further from the Lord, I rejoice in seeing two persons I know, actually having a godly relationship and succeeding. As if it were yesterday, I was asked to tag along with them on their first holiday to Prague and Dresden, followed by our community service trip to Bulgaria. I was the designated lamp-post, the historian who could tell stories of each city and sing love songs while they snuggled. As if it were but a whiff of a moment ago, we gathered to pray before each meal, cooking sumptuous meals for each other and then share thoughts on life thereafter.

When friends get married, close friends always feel a sense of loss, a certain sense of loneliness. And its a good feeling because very naturally, it leads one to look to the Lord and say "But I have You." At the end of the day, when the curtains come down, that is all that matters.

"Let us rejoice and be exceedingly glad, and let us give the glory to him. For the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his wife has made herself ready."

It was given to her that she would array herself in bright, pure, fine linen: for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints.

He said to me, "Write, 'Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.'" He said to me, "These are true words of God.""

REV 19: 7-9

Christmas part 2

2009-12-25T22:58:00.005+07:00

I stared at the pouring rain. Surging a hand forward, I cupped the fingers in and allowed the raindrops to fall into the makeshift crater. Closing my eyes, I knew that under normal circumstances, I shouldn't be alive. I'm living on borrowed time. Mortality plagues me alot. I am aware of the ephemeral nature of life almost everyday. Feeling the rain and the cool breeze with my bare hands, followed by this mad, laughter-filled run to the next shelter in the pouring rain are all graces I enjoy. Under normal circumstances, I shouldn't be able to have these privileges.

But these are abnormal times. Even today, I've sinned... even today, whether in thought or a careless word and yet I still stand, run, feel the rain and then laugh with a friend. I should have died the very moment I sinned and still blood flows within my veins and the fresh air enters my lungs. It is God's grace to breathe every breath.

"By grace you have been saved through faith," we are told. It is the simple statements that have the most profound of depths. "and this not from yourselves - It is a GIFT FROM GOD." A stroke of sheer mercy, 2000 years ago, a brilliant move that changed history and upbraided the existential knots - The birth of Christ, God Incarnate, God with us.

It was abnormal in as much as Justice was meted out on innocence. But in a sorry little place, where irony met love, the greatest King the world ever knew, was born to a maiden in a wretched manor. This was the gift from God, this was He, My greatest love, Jesus Christ.

Christmas Part 1 - To forgive is to suffer

2009-12-21T18:54:00.005+07:00

"Of the art of love I am not well aquainted but I do know that love is almost always tinged with pain."

I wrote this line about 12 hours ago at around 8-9pm and left it as that because I was not too sure how else to continue. But I am beginning to change my mind. My earliest statement is not completely true; The fact is, I am aquainted with love, not so much as a giver of it and thus the bearer of that pain, but rather as the receiver of it and thus the receptor of eternal joy. IN the Christian faith, He who gives love must offer His life and He who receives it will transcend death. For I,am a sinner, an awful sinner, and I know that God has forgiven me out of an infinite store of love.

In Isaiah 53 , we are told that

"Yet it was the will of the LORD to crush Him
He has put Him to grief
when His soul makes an offering for sin"

And as Bonhoeffer points out, Forgiveness is suffering. To offer love in the form of forgiveness, is to willingly bear with the pain of sin. This too is true in the relationships between human beings. If we choose to forgive people closest to us, we must be willing to suffer the inability to taunt, to ignore, to get what we rightfully think is ours ... etc.

And still we look to Jesus Christ, the One who bore our sins through His own choice, in perfect obedience to His Father's wish, to suffer this portion of love, so as to forgive mankind. Christmas is so marvellous, because it first marks the time when we knew, God has now decided to suffer for the sake of love. In the name of Forgiveness, Jesus will be crushed.

"... He poured out His soul to death
and was numbered with the transgressors
Yet He bore the sin of many
and make intercession for transgressors." (Isa 53)

Have Joy

2009-12-20T16:34:00.000+07:00

A short while ago, Colin had a conversation with me.

"We always take note of the commandments like 'Thou shall not murder', 'Thou shall not steal' but we don't tend to realise that when Paul says 'Rejoice and again I say rejoice', its very much a command too."

I thought about it for some time and nodded my head. We, Christians like to think of commandments as negatives and restraining articles, and we struggle to conceive of our God as positively demanding us to enjoy Him. We do not realise that God actually commands us to have pleasure in Him as if having pleasure in Christ were wrong. Having joy in Christ always seems to be conditional rather than unconditional.

But the facts of the bible are clear, the command to have joy in Him is a command of liberation, a command to express worship and to trust that the Holy Spirit will ignite unbelievable joy. The Command to Joy is a miracle because horrible sinners are now partaking of something that rightfully belongs to Jesus, but Jesus has of His own accord shared His joy with us.

Thus we abide by this command, not by force, but by grace through faith. We do not create joy by choice, but so much as enter into the joy that is rightfully Christ's! In the new covenant, commandments that are framed negatively serve to ensure that we do not lose the greater pleasure of Knowing Christ by sinning. Under this covenant of Jesus blood, the commandments that tell us to rejoice and give thanks are for our greater pleasure in Being with Him. They serve to glorify Him better.

So my dear Christian friends, be ye not so sad, nor yet so melancholic (yup i know), rejoice in Christ and again I say (to myself as well) REJOICE!

Of the British Industrial Miracle

2009-12-17T00:08:00.000+07:00

In Prof. Allen's now rather groundbreaking thesis on the British Industrial Revolution(which I am buying myself this Christmas as a present), he postulates that the unparalleled British economic boom came about because in Britain as opposed to other European Nations, Capital cost was low and Labour Cost was high. In short, wages were higher than most and machines cheaper than most.

This certainly flys against one of the traditional ideas in current economic thought - primarily, wage cost should be kept low to remain competitive. Typically, minimum wages are in effective because they actually cause unemployment because employers are unwilling to employ as many workers as they should. So overall, the market is left to determine the wages of the workers.

However, this might make the economy competitive in the current economy but it is not preparing it for competition in the future economy. Lets try the argument for argument sake. To be sure I am not for a minimum wage, but i am certainly for trying more within our means to enhance the lives of those in the lowest wage brackets.

If a typical business was faced with an economy that had a higher wage than other economies and had no means of 1) starting his business somewhere else and 2) employing cheaper labour from somewhere else, he would be forced to employ workers in this current economy. Because wages are high, costs will be high and in order to cut cost will consider other means of improving efficiency and lower costs.

Throw in the second idea - low captial costs. Because capital is cheap, he will invest in capital to drive his cost margins lower. Over time, scientists will smell money in the market for improving quality of machines and a tech market begains to boom. Labour is forced to work with the machines and become more skilled with them over time. Goods are produced faster, cheaper and exports increase. Over a 30 year period the country races ahead of its competitors and becomes a military powerhouse that rules 1/5 of the world's land mass and 1/3 of the world's population.

That's the British story. But before we think, well, it can happen in Singapore, here's 2 reasons why not. 1) The world is so globalised, any minimum wage or higher wage settlement will mean a loss in investments straight away and much of this investment is tied to technical know-how. So no investment hurts our knowledge based economy, alot. 2) Capital is rarely priced differently in a globalised world. The British ironically had a mercentilist world where it was silly to import capital because the import taxes in Europe were astronomical. Thus most countries were forced to produce themselves. Not so today, where we are trading at such low taxes if not none that captial costs are nearly fixed.

As such, I don't think the answer to National Economic equity and success lies in wage restrictions and all that. My personal opinion on Britain in 1780? well, its because of the Revivals in the land which sparked a moral underbelly that bred a culture of hardwork. So what Singapore needs is ... A Revival :)

The Waters will part

2009-12-14T21:25:00.000+07:00

Lifting the wooden stick, smoothed by the oft firm grip of an old wearied hand, the old man gazes into the vast skies that hang over the torrential sea. Closing his eyes, his face grimaces and then contorts with intensity. Sweat flows profusely in the humid African weather and all the crowd behind him gapes in frightened awe. Behind them, the approaching hoofs of a battle-readied army plays into a crescendo. The clouds gather and for moments, the perishing lament the hopelessness of their situation.

It hadn't yet dawn upon them that they were led to a dead end for a reason. Nor had they discover how their fragility and helplessness were means by which glory would find expression.

When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, "If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt." So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea. [a] The Israelites went up out of Egypt armed for battle

Exodus 13: 17-18

Then the LORD said to Moses, "Tell the Israelites to turn back and encamp near Pi Hahiroth, between Migdol and the sea. They are to encamp by the sea, directly opposite Baal Zephon

Exodus 14:1-2

So often the best road is never the easy road and many times, before the Lord works, He first exposes the helplessness of men. And Moses, filled with the knowledge of his failures, his wanderings in the desert as a prince turned shepherd knew what it meant to hit the dead end only to be rescued by God's sovereign, miraculous, unexpected love. Standing at the edge of the fobidding sea, the timid man knew His Saviour. For it will not be the difficulty of crossing the sea before them that mattered ultimately, rather the gulfs of distrust in the hearts of men that severed the God from His people.

"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14

"Be still," was Moses command to the Israelites for neither of them should presuppose less of their God. Wait, wait! for His salvation, for His desire is for the salvation of many. Don't think weak thoughts of an ALMIGHTY AWESOME GOD who sweeps universes into oblivion.

Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the LORD drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided...

Exodus 14:21

The corner had been turned, the miracle of salvation exhibited through His servant of choice. His awesome love is in full display and a weak mass of slaves are now freed men and women. Moses a mere shepherd, a mere criminal leading a population of slaves, marching towards a promise they hadn't earn, yet such was the desire of the Lord. The helpless will be made strong, the needy filled, the mourning rejoicing.

So here I am, trapped in the office, in the late of midnight, finding some solace in reading Exodus. Since Sunday morn, I've been here and I've not gone back. There is so much work, I hadn't much time for rest. I wish He could part the sea and I could just walk back home, to my blanket and pillow. But my heart has been warmed by just simply typing away at this post. It must be Him, beckoning me to gaze instead at how He collapsed the waters of sin backwards and drew me to Himself. My Jesus, no gulf is too wide or deep for your comforting awesome love.

2009-12-07T18:13:00.000+07:00

I'm typing from Church Camp in Malacca.

Here are a few lessons I've considered either directly or indirectly from the talks that I've been listening to.

1) The church of God in Singapore must be careful of moralism. Too often, sermons are concerned with "How we can lead a Spirit Filled Life?," or "How we can be a better Christian?." My dear friends, this is a sad tragedy. The church today is badly in need of finding out WHY. If we can first explain the reason for doing something, we will soon find the doing empowered naturally.

2) We are freed from the law because we were first aware and condemned by it. Unless a man first confronts his place in the law and then realises his own depravity, he does not yet need a Saviour. And when he is discovered by the Saviour, he realises, it is not from the curtailments of the flesh in the law which constraints him, rather it is the joy of communion with Christ that sets him free from the pleasures of sin for the greater pleasures of Love.

3) Do not diss theology. As much as I agree that doctrine without application is pointless, not all theology is meant for application. Many of the attributes of God are not imitable. We cannot copy God's transcendent nature but in knowing it, we can worship Him better!

That's for now

2009-12-03T20:43:00.000+07:00

From afar, i could see a kitten standing mesmerized by two men sitting on the stone seats facing the sea at Changi point. Grey, clueless and really rather young, the little creature wondered innocently as the two men meddled with something on the table. I gawked at it and pondered its actions rather intently. What was going through its mind, I wondered, and of course, i thought it was really rather pitiful. Young, naive, having to learn the rough ways of the world - foraging, gaining attention from human beings by being presentable and cute, and fighting for territory with other cats.

As I stared, it dawned upon me that I was picking up a "Man" trait, that's right, a Male trait. A long time ago, my dad had a fish tank in the home and he would stare at the fishes as they swam around the tank. My uncles would come once in a while and before long, they were all staring at fish. I thought they were slightly nutty. For me, the fun part was taking the net and chasing a fish or two in the tank. Couldn't understand why grown men would like to see fish swim, sleep and eat.

Now I know abit more why we men do these things. It's very simple, staring at animals give us an outlet for imagination and rest. Yes Imagination! To consider, marvel, dream, give prognosis and contemplate. To envisage life by gawking at the creatures around us and thank God for every creature that he has created. The truth is I love dogs and i like to watch them get around their daily lives. too bad my mother thinks otherwise.

Anyhow, I'm not sure why I started on this post... haha... just a thought

2009-11-28T22:13:00.000+07:00

Long bound my body laid,
turned in by grueling chains
My shackles shook with every moan,
and grime and pain assailed my frame
To habit and pleasure so long imprisoned,
In dungeons deep of choice mine own
Where-wither the eyes might gaze,
the agonies of darkness I now behold.

Then swiftly, sweetly, a thunderous sound;
that veil was torn from high to low
I cannot fathom nor yet imagine,
for immobilised my form remained
With throbbing fears, I scarced believe,
would He so Sacred, still pry for me
For deep I laid, beneath the earth,
wasting, seething without a hope.

Yet harkened again the sound of life,
"It is finished", the voice did cry!
With weapons stripped, sin could do no strife,
nor bind a man who heeds that cry
My shackles broke and fears fell off,
the dungeon fled and haunts no more
For Love found me and took me forth,
wayfaring my soul to Jesus forevermore.

Charlie. N
For an old friend.

欢欢喜喜

2009-11-24T22:18:00.000+07:00

神爱世人，甚至将他的独生子赐给他们，叫一切信他的，不至灭亡，反得永生。John 3:16

我们既因信称义，就藉着我们的主耶稣基督得与神相和。 2 我们又藉着他，因信得进入现在所站的这恩典中，并且欢欢喜喜盼望神的荣耀。
Roms5:1-2

I read the Methodist news letter and was very very happy with what I saw. 欢欢喜喜, yes... that's right, whatever these 4 words mean. Fairfield Methodist church making a bold effort to reach out to the Chinese Construction Workers and I thought, splendid. Now I have a chinese and English Bible and its part of my very valiant effort to read my bible in chinese abit more, but as one can ascertain, I've just been reading the english bit. After I looked at the newsletter, I am now keen on reading my bible in Chinese! yes, without the dictionary (I'll just skip some words)!

But to come back to the point, when I see my Chinese brothers 欢欢喜喜盼望神的荣耀, I feel immeasurably humbled. God's grace is blind to gender, race or social strata. Very comforting and encouraging. He saves according to his never-ending mercies and when the church begins to do what Fairfield is doing then I think we are exemplifying His love. Well done church. You've inspired me to read chinese again even.

Now for some copying and pasting..... 我欢欢喜喜的爱他的独生子，主耶稣基督!

阿們！

2009-11-23T20:29:00.000+07:00

I want you to think along with me :) God loves His Son more than anything else, in fact He does everything for the Son's sake. Similarly, the Son loves the Father more than anything else and is fully obedient to the Father.

Just ponder on this alone and then marvel at the cross. Where the Father crushes His Son utterly and makes Him a spectacle for unbelieving men?

Then listen to this song....

Of Friendship

2009-11-21T23:29:00.000+07:00

A stranger sat beside me during the church BBQ. Practically half of the city was out on that sunny Sunday afternoon, and a large proportion of that happy crowd were thronging the free burgers. As the bespectacled man sat down, slightly wobbled by his plate of burgers and fries, I greeted him. He peered at me through the large framed glasses, smiled weakly and offered his hand. I shooked it firmly.

The sun was lifted to its full galore and streamed rays upon the orderly mass of burger hungry British people. For close to an hour, our conversation had been nothing but earnest. Opening up his life to me, he spoke about the struggles he was facing and how it was all culminating in a court case. Patting me on the back, he smiled and shook his head. Reminiscing about his life while i munched happily on my 3rd serving of the afternoon, he looked haplessly away.

Saying suddenly, but calmly, his words have since remained with me for a long time

"We may live our whole lives with people who are no more than strangers, and yet meet strangers for only a few short hours and be friends for those few short hours."

Lifting my head up from the nice, juicy beef patty, I cocked my head to the side and looked at the battle wearied face. I did find myself comfortable with a man who happened to be a stranger. Friendship as he was hinting, is more than just the spending of time together, it was also peering into the other's soul and knowing it. Stranger-hood, is the tragedy of superficiality, of knowing about someone without actually knowing someone.

I placed an arm on his shoulder and patted his back. We were friends for that short moment, because neither wanted anything out of each other except the chance to share each other's soul. When I read about Truman, I was struck by his lonliness. If one was a President of USA, surely everyone wanted to be your friend.And that's why they'll never be friends, because they want to associate with the power, the wealth, the position, but they don't really want to associate with the man's soul.

As I placed my plate back at the counter, fully satisfied with the meaty lunch. Quite rightly, I gave that man all my vegetables which he liked but I didn't. I asked, rather politely, if he would like to meet up again at the same place tomorrow. He said he would love to, but it depended on how long the court case would last. Penniless and without a handphone, that was all the assurance he could give me. Smiling at each other, I waved goodbye to my friend. The next day came and went, he didn't come to the meeting place. Our ships had past each other.

God treasures the little ones

2009-11-20T22:31:00.000+07:00

By the waysides of manifold hills, weaving themselves in a straight undulating line, stood a little village. There in the midst of its grey, Marxist-themed concrete buildings, was an orphanage, parked with open spaces by its side. In it were a number of children, who slept in rooms that had poor heating, but they huddled together, sharing warmth. In their little world, there were not differences of race, or intellect, or caste or whatever. In their tiny clueless world, was a yearning for love.

A yearning strong enough, that they sought it in the volunteers that came by every few months. They were never the same volunteers, but the children still offered their love openly and freely, for they had nothing else to give. And when we have nothing else to give except our love, we love with a despair, a wholeheartedness and a passion.These children did. They pandered for attention, and along the way, became hurt so badly - far too often for a child to take. When vulnerability gives way to too much hurt, the ideas of love fade, like the vanishing hills on a foggy day.

Gazing into his eyes, I reach out a hand. Young, wearied of un-reciprocated love, the child stares at the floor, pained and unsure. Some of the older ones sniggered at his struggle. Every month, the volunteers come, but they are not the same. You hug one, and then he goes, doesn't return. Affection might buy some chocolate bars and attention, but there was no constancy in love. Love given, was not met with love returned for a lifetime.

I looked at him struggle. Inching forward, we had a little hug. Yup, I could not offer it for a lifetime. I could hardly replace lost parents and yes, I will be gone soon. I might be able to return but I will miss your birthdays, your sad days and your happy days. But I know that when I hug you, I represent Christ, though I am greatly flawed, He is able to surpass them and show love. And when you offer your frail love to Him, in that desperate, singular, passionate way because you have nothing else, He offers you His strong love in that singular, passionate and faithful way. In the wayside of hills, where an orphanage stood, I learnt a little bit of that.

2009-11-19T22:11:00.000+07:00

God,

Thanks for this video, it has meant much.

2009-11-17T22:22:00.001+07:00

Usually, when my army pals play songs in the office, I wouldn't be able to sing along to anything. Today, one of them shared his 90s playlist with me... And I was quite amazed... for I could actually sing along to the large majority of them. As I hummed along from my desk, a very popular song was belted out. Quite beside myself, I broke into emphatic chorus

"..take my life, I'll give it all, I'll sacrifice."

"Everything I do, I do it for You."

Then I paused and from my window gazed far beyond the seas into the distant horizon where heaven and earth met and sighed. Let my whole Life be found loving You in such a way, that everything else will fade away into plainness.

Re-Defining Success

2009-11-16T19:21:00.000+07:00

Recently I picked up a flyer that was promoting a talk by a successful christian career man and it was aimed at the youth. A successful career man, who was also a good christian giving a talk on how to be a good christian in the world. Almost instantly, I placed the flyer down and decided, it wasn't for me. You see, I know that man, and I admire him quite abit. I think well of him, but I didn't think it was going to add much to the lives of many of the youth.

Why, one might ask? Because many (not all of the) people are going to the talk with the intention of finding out "How did you accomplish so much and yet still remain a successful Christian?"

Singapore is a society stretched by a vast income divide, and seduced frequently by a love for money. Everyone wants to be successful - plenty of money, status... etc, not many want to be Christian and godly. Many Christians want to be successful in the world and also secure in their relationship with God. They don't see that many times, in the bible, God makes many of them choose either one. Wealth biblically, was not always a blessing... read James 5. When God has conquered the heart of a Christian, He has the christian suffer yet blesses him also. He gives wealth, to allow him to use it for God's praise and interestingly, to build up the Christian's resolve against worshipping created things above the Creator.

The appropriate response has always been as George Whitefield prayed at the height of his popularity, "God I serve you alone, now with all the popularity that can destroy me, send mercy to pull me through this fiery trial."

Thus I do wonder aloud,what if the SUCCESSFUL CHRISTIAN MAN's Talk was given by a missionary who had lost everything - sold his home, his family died of disease in that foreign land and he returns to Singapore for this talk having started a proud church in that land with no more than 10 people - the fruits of his hard labour of 30 years. He is a man of prayer, a man who loves the Word of God to bits as everyone can testify. Let me ask.... who will attend this talk?

Yet in the eyes of God who is more successful? it's hard to tell... But, please see the difference, when people see that, they will ask "How did you remain a Christian despite all this?"

They will be amazed at what God defines as successful in this man's life. They will be struck at how God elevates the filth of the world and makes them jewels in His eyes. They will see how the things of this world are nothing compared to the riches in Christ Jesus. They will think less of achievement in their career and be more focused on the reasons for doing their studies and careers well in Christ. They will be more interested in using every cent well for His Kingdom and storing up little for themselves. They will know hunger and abundance, but glory in the Word that feeds them unto success. They will define success in relationships built on the gospel and not the number of friends on facebook or friendster. They will not scoff at poverty, no my dear friends, if it comes to them, they will embrace it all with Christ. Their Success will be determined by Christ!

We need men who epitomise success in its rawest form in Singapore. Strip away the frills, let men gawk at what we Christians, define as success. Let them wonder at why we worship a Carpenter's Son, who was not rich or well travelled, but is the very person we wish with our very passions to emulate.

O God, let that be my passion, to emulate you and do well where You want me to do well.

2009-11-09T00:05:00.000+07:00

God,

I am before you.

Charlie N.

It is because your mercies are endless that I am able to breathe my next breath and open my mouth to give you praise. You have led me to remember the days of my youth, when I was but a boy at the tender age of 9 (primary 3). You sought for me a teacher, one who would infuse into my heart the knowledge of your word, for she read the bible to our class every day after the exams.

You knew O Lord, how I was eager to hear the stories of animals and the ark of Noah because I was drawn to fantastical stories. It was not that I should treasure the knowledge of your Saving work or marvel at Your ever gracious and intervening hand in the annuals of human past. I was a child but I knew sin and my heart and mind were darkened to Your love. Yet you formed in my heart a firm grip on the facts for my teacher read clearly the chapters from Genesis. For even as a child, You were ever present in my life, and though I knew You not then, You knew me and bequeathed to me precious gifts.

For are You not my owner? my maker and my God? Were you not always patient with me? How can I not give You praise? You are the invisible, all pervasive and ever present King, to which the hosts of heaven and powers on earth tremble and worship and yet you are the concerned Father who tenderly places myself and many others into bed. It is a mystery to me O Lord, one that I embrace but wonder at still.

An orchestrated whole

2009-11-07T23:01:00.000+07:00

Of the many tunes I like, this one has been on my player every possible moment. So often, that if you were to listen to it anytime during the evening over the next few days, I should probably be listening to it too.

why? for in it, I hear a cacophany of sounds become music, for when disparate streams of tunes merge into a unified soul-stirring melody, I know there must have been a conductor of suitable genius.

For how can I ever doubt that He will unite people with such different talents into a loving and organic whole? Whether they be churches, couples or whoever, IN CHRIST, we find ourselves playing varying instruments, different notes at so many times, but orchestrated by the Conductor into pure, love soaked music that makes sense.

Thus if any should ask me? How can the church with so many personalities and talents unite, I'll say listen to Johann Pachelbel, Canon in D in particular, after which think along with me. If a man can display such genius, what more a supreme God whose genius makes Johann look like a dim firefly in the face of the sun, and whose every wave of the baton is an expression of all governing Love?

Death Bed Questions

2009-10-31T00:00:00.000+07:00

Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life.
Psalms 39:4

So teach us to number our days, That we may present to You a heart of wisdom.
Psalms 90:12

Of late, I've decided to ask myself death-bed questions. Those questions which will force me to re-evaluate my life in the light of my most probable death one day. I've been observing people around, and I notice that people make day to day choices which naturally diverge from the answers they would want to give to their death bed questions. What do I mean?

An example : I asked a man, what he wanted to be remembered as at his death bed. Without much of a thought, he said "a loving, godly man, especially to my family." I wasn't one for courtesy at that point and I said "With your working hours as they are now, you sure you can live up to that?" He gazes down and lifts his eyebrows, "I guess you're right."

I've asked myself that question too and I think some re-ordering is long in coming. Why are Death Bed questions useful? Well here are 2 reasons

1) Death Bed Questions allow us to focus on what is truly important in Christ. I asked my friends over at supper, the top three qualities of a wife that they were looking for. Amongst us we could come up with the usual - can cook and bake, can hold a solid conversation, cannot be fat .... etc. Then the question was modified slightly, it became, what will you want to say about your wife at your death bed. The answers were remarkably different. We wanted a supportive, understanding, godly and praying woman who would hold our hand and stay our final hours with us.

2) Death bed questions make light of the distractions that plague us everyday. The problem with most christians and people in general is that they make day to day choices that do not correspond to their death bed answers. By asking serious questions about our lives, we make light on things that actually matter little in our life which we could be taking too seriously. Money, Status ... etc, terrible distractions that hold our attention everyday that will hardly feature at our death bed.

It is my opinion that the biggest question that most people ask but do not live out is the question of "Am I truly saved?" And I implore all who read this, to spend time examining our lives.

Lastly, I know I'm not being particularly organised, but having asked myself these questions, I have set two resolutions

1) To redeem the times by disciplining myself alot more. That means ensuring that no minute is wasted indiscriminately.

2) To daily examine my life in the light of the cross. To ask the tough questions that are needed in the light of my death and my eventual meeting with Christ.

So teach us O Lord, to number our Days, that we may be wise.

Tell Satan to shut up

2009-10-28T10:19:00.000+07:00

A little extract from John Bunyan's Autobiography, Grace Abounding

Now while the Scriptures lay before me, and laid sin anew at my door, that saying in Luke xviii.1, with others, did encourage me to prayer; then the tempter again laid at me very sore, suggesting, “That neither the mercy of God, nor yet the blood of Christ, did at all concern me, nor could they help me for my sin; therefore it was but in vain to pray.” Yet, thought I, “I will pray.” “But, said the tempter, your sin is unpardonable.” “Well, said I, I will pray.” “It is to no boot, said he.” “Yet, said I, I will pray.” So I went to prayer with God; and while I was at prayer, I uttered “Lord, Satan tells me, that neither thy mercy, nor Christ’s blood is sufficient to save my soul; Lord, shall I honour thee most, by believing thou wilt, and canst? or him, by believing that thou neither wilt, nor canst?” Lord, I would fain honour thee, by believing that thou wilt, and canst.

A few lessons

1) Prayer is dependence speaking to an independent all Consuming God whose grace is never insufficient

2) The Devil seeks to create doubt in the believer regarding God's abilities and character and tries to stop the believer from praying at all cost. Because when we pray, the Holy spirit exposes the lies - we should tell Satan to shut up.

3) when the devil is beaten through faith in our God, God gets the glory because it was He who gave the grace to pray and gives the grace unto salvation.

"No man," as Ravenhill so rightly points out, "is greater than his prayer life".

3 things I want to be Healthily Uncaring about and 2 things I want to be obsessed with

2009-10-25T21:17:00.000+07:00

Before an Almighty God who rules all and demands my life and all who read this post, I want to pray for a healthy, uncaring attitude towards these things

1) That the Lord will make me healthily uncaring towards money - salaries and its comparison with other peoples', bonuses and perks too. Towards the amount of money stored up in the bank account for on that glorious day, unused money will also have to be accounted for. To the type and size of housing that i will have and what other people have. Towards the accumulation of stuff like books, collectibles... etc.

2) That I will be healthily uncaring towards a person's status whether high or low - positions, appointments, positions of influence should be treated with a good dose of ambivalence. Education levels, Wealth and class type should be inconsequential in friendships. There is no point name dropping about who we know since its probably boasting and it demeans God when we find identity in associations with influential people rather than Jesus Christ.

3) That He will bless me with a healthy uncaring attitute towards outwards beauty - doesn't matter whether a person is fat, thin, ugly, beautiful or whatever, it should not entail a difference in treatment. No one should be valued on how he or she looks.

And there are 2 things I want to be healthily obsessed with

1) That God will grant me an obsession with Jesus - to be concerned about His Kingdom's matters - how money is used, how decisions are made, how people are treated, how theology is read and studied. To be pursuing Him with my whole life, driven by a compulsive love for Him and a total devotion in every thought, word and action on my part. To wish to pray, read the Word and sing because I do all these with Him and for Him. To realise that all these are impossible until He gave His life first and gave grace for us to love Him passionately.

2) That God will give me a healthy obsession with people's souls - to put all men in the perspective of a God who loves them and yet is just beyond compare. To be driven by a love for heaven and a fear of hell for their sake. To value every man equally in Christ and to do things that souls might be saved. To be people centric not activity centric and to realise that the reason I'm here is for the sake of souls under the ultimate purpose of loving Jesus Christ. To be loving towards the church and to desire it to grow in prayer and action.

May Jesus grant me all these for His glory. I, Charles Ng, hereby submit to all these. If this is for you too, let us pray this humbly and joyously in view of an eternity with a Loving and Great Christ.

2009-10-20T13:22:00.000+07:00

The wedding finished and I lumbered on my easy chair for a good rest. Being Best man is no easy work and by the looks of it, there are bound to be many more weddings to attend. I sigh, its beginning to have its effect. For two very special people that evening, it will always be that once-in-a-lifetime event. For a few hundred others, its another happy day watching the kingdom of Singledom shrink. I'm just not too sure I'm very pleased having the land around me collapse into the vast ocean.

I lift my glass and stare into the contents therein. Life is never the same for those who get married and for those who remain unmarried. Time moves people on and on, changing something, moving everything, even memories do not remain as they are. I've come to a conclusion. I need time with nature, somewhere in the mountains, lakesides, meadows, wherever that is. I chanced upon some pictures of Britain and nostalgia arose.

Lovely aren't they? what draws me to nature is the quiet, the humbling, the time with God and the silent rumination that follows. Walking alone was a great past-time in Brtain, and best amidst nature. I feel led to return again and i think I know why. My soul like many others, were made for marriage with Christ.

To worship with Word and Music

2009-10-16T20:37:00.000+07:00

When I see many of my BB Boys, one of the many concerns that lay upon my heart is whether they can develop in Christ in a holistic manner. Because of my temperament and those whom I serve with, we have focused heavily on the bible. And though I think that is right, by nature of our inadeqaucies, I also acknowledge that we have never been able to spur their spiritual growth on through music and unfettered worship.

The last thing I want my younger ones to learn is self consciousness in worship. No! Let them be like David, who upon the entry of the ark into Jerusalem, danced with great strength and remained healthily uncaring towards the common gaze or amusement of those around. Let not any think that raising one's hands in worship is a sin or inappropriate, except that one's heart should be truly contrite and readied for Him. Worship on the part of man, is the expression of a humble, joyous love towards a Worthy God.

And I accept that it is a tremendous inadequacy on my part. I cannot lead them to worship of this magnitute and Often I fear that their growth will be lopsided. That they should be Biblical, gospel centric and hating of dangerous heresies but ultimately unable to translate all these into a true, deep, longlasting love for Christ. But Charles you must see how the Lord is the only way. Lord teach us how to sing your praise with unfettered hearts! Teach us your songs! What I cannot do, O Lord, do still demonstrate the sufficiency of your grace...

When I was 15, in a park in Sembawang, I was aware of this in my life - the inability to teach men through worship with song. And very naturally, I told the Lord my conditions - my wife must be able to sing songs with anointing. It was all the hope I thought I had. Honestly, It was the expression of my weakness that I desired to rectify this so much. Now of course, I think its abit silly, but that's how i feel about this issue.

Teach me a new song, teach me to trust that you will grow your children according to your manifold love and power.

I end this with a song that Colin sent me. Excellent.
Do listen until the very end(the last part is funny).

Lyrics

Unashamed - Starfield

I have not much
To offer You
Not near what You deserve
But still I come
Because Your cross
Has placed in me my worth

Oh, Christ my King
Of sympathy
Whose wounds secure my peace
Your grace extends
To call me friend
Your mercy sets me free

And I know I'm weak
I know I'm unworthy
To call upon Your name
But because of grace
Because of Your mercy
I stand here unashamed

I can't explain
This kind of love
I'm humbled and amazed
That You'd come down
From heavens heights
And greet me face to face

Ten To chi To - 天と地と (heaven and earth)

2009-10-14T22:33:00.000+07:00

My Heart wishes to write so much but I paused a few moments and thought it carefully. Not today, not today. There will be better times for lengthy discussion. Let more be said with less and may the Lord be glorified in every thing that I write.

There was a day when heaven and earth met, collapsing the gulfs of unreachable distances.

Could it be that Love should bridge both? with wounded hands draw dust and soil to stars in sky?

How can it be? the great hosts cry, for where lesser good had loathed to tread, perfection Himself condesecends to embrace.

Let despondent hearts be now informed that these despairing heights which wrenched earth from heaven are now no longer, for sins are cast away.

For when heaven kissed earth, a Life was lost but lives were freed from sin. When bound up in my Lover's embrace, I taste the bittersweet. For what He gave though cost His life bound me to Him forevermore.

When Heaven met Earth.

2009-10-09T21:27:00.000+07:00

Two thoughts

1) Obama winning the nobel peace prize, the Committee citing his aspirations for a nuclear free world and diplomacy - In 1938, Chamberlain should have won the prize too for his aspirations for peace. The point is not aspiration, its action.

2) Archbishop uses the memorial for British dead in Iraq to criticize decision to enter - Wasted sermon. When families gather round and remember the dead, this isn't the time to talk politics. Misplaced priorities. Talk about Jesus please.